Red-letter day! My division shipped a product today, and that means the end of one product cycle and the beginning of another. At Microsoft, shipping a product is a big deal because it represents a lot of work by a lot of people, and because the division VP usually springs for free food. The problem is that the VP himself (sometimes herself, but usually himself) chooses the food. Because we hire a lot of people from around the world, the food is often native to whoever happens to be the VP. I’ve worked for a lot of Indians recently, so I’ve had my share of exotic meat on a stick. Good stuff, but every once in awhile you want some variety. If I ever get to choose the food, it’ll be hot dogs. At least then, I can close my eyes and pretend I’m at a baseball game.

After a product ships, I receive several dozen emails from people I don’t even know telling me what a great job so-and-so did on the product, and how “awesome” the product is, and how every person who spent ten minutes on the project “really ROCKS!!,” whatever that means. I once sent around my own congratulatory email to a couple hundred people that expressed how relieved I was to have shipped a long-coming product. In my email, the subject said “It Feels Great to SHIP!” But an unfortunate spelling error on the last word caused an uproar among my superiors, and some of my email privileges were taken away. (That’s the last time I trust Spell Check.)

After the customary emails, there’ll be a mass exodus from the group. People who are looking to get out of a certain group or away from a particular manager will see it as a good time to make their move to another area of Microsoft. They’ll send around their own emails that say what a great time they’ve had working in the group and how everyone in the group is like family to them. Of course, if any of it were true, they wouldn’t be leaving the group in the first place. Some people even decide to leave the company entirely. This takes some major chutzpah because they’re walking away from a regular paycheck. Most employees who take this step aren’t stupid. They’ve figured out on paper how much money they’ll lose by leaving the company, but they’ve usually been at Microsoft for ten years or so and have some stock to fall back on. Maybe they’ll invest their money and live off the profits. Maybe they’ll take up a less stressful career, like knife throwing. Maybe their wife works and has agreed to support the family while the guy watches ESPN and eats Cinnabons all day. However they’re doing it, a lot of people who leave the company seem to be younger than I am. Quite a bit younger, in fact. But I have to say that, even though they get to stay home and I still have to go to work, I’m not envious of them. Really, I’m not.
Ok, maybe I am.

But can you blame me? I’ve been writing some of the world’s finest technical documents for the past 15 years and I’m not even close to being able to walk away. I just keep writing, publishing, and looking forward to free food at the next ship party. Things could be worse, I guess. I could still be at Novell.

One good thing about shipping is that I get my “Ship It” award in the mail. This is a small metal decal that I get to stick to my “Ship It” plaque, which tells me what a valuable employee I am and is engraved with Bill Gates’ signature. I’m not sure Mr. Gates even knows that “Ship It” awards exist, but that doesn’t matter to me. I really like the plaque. It’s a pretty good track record of the products I contributed to as I served my time at Microsoft, and it’s something I can take with me when I leave the company. Besides that, it looks good sitting on my shelf.

 There’s usually a ship party, too. People who have been around the company for a few years have stories about getting an all-expense paid trip to Hawaii or Vegas as a reward for shipping a product. I assume these were major products like Windows 95 or Office 97. By comparison, my group just shipped Microsoft Speech Server 2004 Release 2. A great product, to be sure, but considerably less of a splash than, say, Microsoft Word. I’m not sure what kind of a party the Speech Server VP has planned, but let’s just say I don’t think we’ll be copping rays on Maui anytime soon. I’ll settle for a round of mini-golf and all the hot dogs I can eat. That’ll keep me loyal to the company for another year or two.

In fact, if my VP is reading this, I’ll cut a deal with you. Make it a Fenway Frank at a Red Sox game, and you’ve got me for life.