Linux Is A Big Ball Of Epic Fail

by Rich Menga on Apr 14, 2008 | 27 comments

Jane: Hey, I heard about this thing called “Linux”, do you know anything about it?

Jack: Sure! I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Ask away.

Jane: It’s free, right?

Jack: Yes, absolutely!

Jane: Cool! So they give it away for free at the computer store?

Jack: Well, no..

Jane: How do you get it then?

Jack: You have to download an ISO it and burn it to a CD or DVD and install it that way.

Jane: What the f@^k is an eye-soh?

Jack: Uh.. forget that. You can buy a copy of it at Borders or something.

Jane: But you said it was free!

Jack: It is.

Jane: Then why do I have to pay for it?!

Jack: …

Jane: Oh, never mind, I’ll ask something else. So what can I do in Linux?

Jack: Anything you can do in Windows.

Jane: Cool! So any software I buy from Circuit City will work in it?

Jack: Well, maybe..

Jane: Maybe?

Jack: Yeah, there’s the thing called WINE in Linux, and –

Jane: Wine? What’s that?

Jack: It’s used to emulate Windows so you can run Windows stuff.

Jane: Any Windows stuff?

Jack: Well, most Windows stuff.

Jane: What won’t it run?

Jack: Well, um…

Jane: Okay, let me ask this: If I go to the Circuit City, buy some software from there, come home, then pop in the CD I bought into my computer, will it install the program?

Jack: No.

Jane: Oh…

Jack: But WINE is good! It works!

Jane: You said maybe..

Jack: Um.. yeah.

Jane: What about all the software I already have? Will any of that work?

Jack: Maybe.

Jane: Okay, okay.. can I plug in my all-in-one print/scan/fax printer to Linux and have it work?

Jack: Uh.. that’s another “maybe”.

Jane: Let me get this straight. This Linux thing is something that’s free yet if I want it in a box from a store, I have to pay for it. Most of my Windows programs won’t work with it and neither will my printer most likely.

Jack: …

Jane: (sigh..) Will there at least be a phone number I can call if I need help with it?

Jack: No. You’ll have to spend hours combing thru forums on the internet with bits and pieces of poorly written documentation and Linux users that tell you RTFM even though there’s no manual.

Jane: …

Jack: Um.. forget Linux. Buy a Mac.

Jane: But the software I already have won’t run on a Mac..

Jack: (sigh..) Buy a Dell.

Jane: Thanks! I will!

Like what you read?

If so, please join over 28,000 people who receive our exclusive weekly newsletter and computer tips, and get FREE COPIES of 5 eBooks we created, as our gift to you for subscribing. Just enter your name and email below:

If you enjoyed this article, you might also like...

Post A Comment Using Facebook

Lespaul20
Funny and true!
hitchface
Weren’t you just saying how cool Mint was?
Either way, its not a matter of HAVING to download the file, its a matter of not HAVING to leave the house to get it to work. Nothing that was good about Linux was shown here…
Jah
lol, amusing. What hitchface said is true though.
hitchface
Its not that I totally disagree. That is all true, but one sided. I can’t count how many headaches that Linux has caused me, but it is still far fewer than Windoze.
http://www.frostedside.com/blog/ Rich Menga
I wrote this lil’ tale not to express my personal frustration with *nix (because in reality it’s really not difficult), but the frustration in trying to explain to a non-power-user what a Linux distro actually is and how it works.
hitchface
Ah.
http://www.jomamas-stuff.com Jomama
Good one, Rich.
http://www.thecompanyhub.com Trevor
now thats funny!
Force Flow
…and this is why *nix is not ready for mainstream use the way Windows or OSX is (although it’s certainly come a long way in the past few years)
Trashy
Works well for enough for me for years, although the part about printer drivers and such, Vista IMO has a worst time getting working then Linux..
I don’t pretend it’s something it’s not, Linux is geared for developers and Programmers. Although it’s easy enough to set it up for say grandma, it can be frustrating for normal computer users that are used to windows. Although that being said, If things where reversed and we grew up with Unix based operating systems since the 80′s we would have a tough time dealing with an operating system like Windows.
Rad Cow
Force Flow: You do know what OS X is, right? *nix.
Eric
completely wrong. utterly, and totally and completely wrong. the conversation could and should have gone like this:
Jane: Hey, I heard about this thing called “Linux”, do you know anything about it?
Jack: Sure! I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Ask away.
Jane: It’s free, right?
Jack: Yes, absolutely!
Jane: Cool! So they give it away for free at the computer store?
Jack: Yes, some computer stores do give it away for free but that’s pretty rare because the burned CD costs them a little bit of cash, like a few cents, so instead of being completely free on a disc, some stores will only charge you the cost of the CDROM it was burned on. Others will only charge you for the convenience of mailing the CDROM or DVD to your house.
Jane: Can I just get a computer with Linux on it already?
Jack: Buy one of these: http://eeepc.asus.com/global/
Jane: $350! Wow! Thanks!
starmonkey
Nice straw man :/
Grinch
Jane: How do you get it then?
Jack: Visit goodbye-microsoft.com and download it
Jane: Great! So what can I do in Linux?
Jack: Most of the things you can do with Windows.
Jane: Cool! So any software I buy from Circuit City will work in it?
Jack: No, but Linux comes with free programs that are similar to the Windows programs you buy in the store.
Jane: But what about [some program without a mature Linux analogue or a game]? I use that all the time!
Jack: There are programs that may allow you to run that on Linux. With this LiveCD we can find out.
Jane: Okay, can I plug in my all-in-one print/scan/fax printer to Linux and have it work?
Jack: Maybe. This is something else we can test with the LiveCD.
Jane: That is completely unacceptable!
Jack: Let me see here… Nope, your all-in-one device isn’t supported by Vista at all.
Jane: Hah! I won’t upgrade!
Jack: So you’re never going to buy a new computer again?
Jane: Of course I am! In the fall I will get a laptop with XP on it for going back to school!
Jack: Unfortunately XP is being End of Life’ed. In two months you won’t be able to buy new copies of XP or any new computers with XP on them.
Jane: Then I’ll use the copy of XP I got with my current computer on the new one!
Jack: Even now most new laptops don’t have XP drivers for them. After Microsoft EOL’s XP new laptops with XP drivers will be even harder to find. You will probably have to spend extra money to get something from the “business” line…
Jane: If I’m going to have to spend more money anyway I might as well get a Mac!
-Fin-
Kyle
Thank you for being realistic.
The AVERAGE user has no use for Linux. NONE.
If you are halfway interested in actually USING your computer and using it with ease then Linux isn’t for you.
I am so ready for Linux to just fade away into the distance. It’s an absurd idea. Open code for an OS will NEVER work. Ever. EVER.
Thankfully, it looks like Linux will never be taken seriously, as it should be.

Ace
linux is perfect for the average user. the “average” user doesn’t play many games and if they do it’s often those flash games on pogo. the average user uses their computer to write and send emails (thunderbird), write and print documents (openoffice and CUPS) and browse the web (firefox and IEs4Linux).
other than having to use WINE for my dad’s Quicken (which he uses once a year) and Family Tree Maker (which there are opensource alternatives for)–there’s nothing that linux can’t do out of the box that my dad would have a use for.
you’ve obviously never used linux or have any interest in learning how to use it. “gee, i wonder why my WINDOWS software doesn’t work on LINUX” (why do people invariably ask why they can’t run windows software on linux but never seem to question why windows software doesn’t run on mac?).

Jerome Lee
It reminds me of a rhyme I learned as a kid:
“This Thursday, which will be Good Friday, there will be a meeting for women only, free admission, men pay at the door, pull up a chair and sit on the floor. One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight, back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other.” Now if you don’t believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too!
Or maybe, Who’s one first?
http://thestew.badmouth.net PunditGuy
>The AVERAGE user has no use for Linux. NONE.
I had a bunch of computer parts sitting around, and my wife’s best friend didn’t have a computer. I built a working machine with a processor that was second rate 6 years ago, slapped Freespire on it, installed Flash and now she uses it as a Web appliance. She doesn’t know anything about computers, but she’s on the Web a lot with her YouTubing and MySpacing and whatnot. Linux is working for her just fine.
http://pcrestoration.blogspot.com/ Robert Plumer
It kind of reflects how I feel about Linux. It’s not that it doesn’t work well. Once set up on a system it’s great but, I just don’t feel it’s ready for the masses. I encountered the poor documentation when I was trying to get Ubuntu to recognize my wireless adapter. Windows may not be perfect but documentation is very thorough in comparison. Not only that software and hardware support is pretty much universal for Windows.
I have a friend who is always trying out different distros of Linux. I’ve lost count how many times he says “This one(insert random Linux OS name) works pretty good but….”
N
Eh, I just find that most of the people who are bitching/yelling about Vista don’t like the fact that drivers and things don’t work — which I agree is annoying. However, I’ve run into the same problem with Linux.
In the end, ALL OS’s suck — computers suck, they’re a pain in the ass endlessly complicated by nerds who have too much time on their hands and who have to ePenis up the next guy.
In the end, for getting done what I need to get done day to day, Windows (Vista) works fine for me. If your machine is all fucked up it’s more than likely a combination of factors and not just one thing, in which case the choice of OS isn’t going to magically make all your grief go away.
Pingback: “Linux Is A Big Ball Of Epic Fail” - Funny but True? : Technology @ BizRiver.com
average user
Actually I am an average user who got to try linux once and got stick with it. I guess if people knew about how good this os is. What is an average user. As far as I am concerned, most users have a computer so they can use the web, edit documents now and then, and a few more things. As far as I have seen, you can basically do on linux the same things you do on windows, except that you do it for free. Can you use the software you buy at circuit city? how about not buying software anymore. Support? all you have to do is put your question on your distro forum? has anyone ever tried to get help over the phone about a piece of software you just bought? often they don t even know how to use it themselves. I no longer use antivirus. I could list way more reasons to use linux over windows but It think it would be better for any non-linux user to just get a copy and try it on their own.
average dutch user
Changing OS’s is always a tricky thing. Look at going from XP to Vista.
For a beginner/intermediate user it is difficult to switch from Windows to Linux(i.e.Ubuntu). But, if it’s already a problem to burn an .iso file to cd you are maybe even less than a beginner. At such low level it must be hell, too, to do anything with XP.
I admit that you have to ready to learn a few things about computers and linux if you want to leave windows. The file-tree structures, for instance.
But, however, I can assure everyone, once you have learned some basic things about linux the results are overwhelmingly better than with windows.
Afresh windows installation works just fine. The problem is, that it does not remain fresh. After a while your registry is a mess,your hard drive fragmented, the system get slower and slower.
So you got to get somebody to help you. Don’t bullshit me then with “windows is so much easier!” Try to find someone who can set up a linux system for you. After that, no fragmentation, no virus threat, guaranteed virus- and malwarefree open-source programs and a computer, updating itself automatically, that does NOT slow down ever…
(Maybe the author of the “interwiew” should learn the difference between free and open-source.
By the way: you can try linux with a live-system, booting from cd (an average computer boots a bootable cd automatically) and see yourself if you like it or not. Most people have internet connection through LAN, so surfing should work out of the box also. Use, for instance, Ubuntu and see for yourself how many software is pre-installed already.
Use something like Mint-linux and even your multimedia windows files will be played without a problem.
If you have a windows computer which you have to install from the scratch, it will have taken you half a day to reach this point.
So, Mr.Rich Menga, please, search a “geek” to burn an “eye-so” on a cd for you and see for yourself, ok?
Der
“Changing OS’s is always a tricky thing. Look at going from XP to Vista.
For a beginner/intermediate user it is difficult to switch from Windows to Linux(i.e.Ubuntu). But, if it’s already a problem to burn an .iso file to cd you are maybe even less than a beginner. At such low level it must be hell, too, to do anything with XP.
I admit that you have to ready to learn a few things about computers and linux if you want to leave windows. The file-tree structures, for instance.
But, however, I can assure everyone, once you have learned some basic things about linux the results are overwhelmingly better than with windows.”
Right. Because compiling crap just to install or make stuff work and being forced to using a command line and learn its commands is an awesome thing.
Der
* use not using
Richie
I used Windows for years. Still use it– when I have to, which is when I need to use Excel with VBA, or Vegas Video editing software. Other than that, ninety percent of the time I’m on Linux on my dual boot machine, and it’s so so so cool to not have to deal with crashes, or viruses , or spy ware, or having to pay for software upgrades. Open Office does styles better than WORD. For basic spreadsheet stuff, the linux programs are fine. But Excel is, in my experience, the best software MS ever wrote. Even with booting up every couple of days to change OS, I still boot up less than when I was exclusively on Windows. And– not being bloated with anti-virus, and with no registry to be corrupted, and without having to worry about defragging — it’s like being in a modern car after driving a 1940 Studebaker for years.

http://www.menga.net Rich Menga
Hey man.. no bashin’ on the Studebakers.. bash Windows all you want, but leave the poor Studebaker alone. She never did you wrong.