Renowned computer scientist Charles U. Farley has discovered that yes, there is indeed a secret microchip embedded in every LCD monitor manufactured from 2003 to present, and these chips are monitoring you right now.

When asked what type of information is shared from these chips, Mr. Farley reported:

Information gathered is used to study the behavior of the average internet user. For example, a two-million dollar study is being conducted to discover whether people prefer Who’s The Boss? or Charles in Charge. I personally think Scott Baio is a better actor, but Alyssa Milano is pretty hot. Tough choice.

When asked if any amazing discoveries were made, Farley reported:

Oh, yes. 92% of internet trolls were found to be snotty rich white kids, 5% guys in their 30s living in the basement of their parent’s house who play WoW all day, and 2.7% disgruntled ex-girlfriends who put as their MySpace tagline, “u dont no me”.

And the other 0.3%?

Libertarians who listen to way too much NPR.

When asked what is also currently being studied, Farley reported:

Here’s a few of them:

A study is being conducted to determine why single American women put “NO HEAD GAMES” in their personal ads when they in fact play head games themselves.

Another is being conducted on why the seventh most popular word on the internet is sucks.

Another is being conducted on why only a scant 2% of the internet populous knows how to pronounce Google correctly.

Mr. Charles U. Farley is an honors graduate of CGNU, has been fined for parking violations numerous times, routinely steals pudding cups from the company refrigerator and never cleans the microwave.

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