The internet can be a great resource, a valuable tool to do research, learn new things, and associate with new people. The internet can be a lot of neat things – but it also has a bad side; the porn, the child predators, the cyber-bullying. Kids have curious brains, and often time curiosity can lead them to trouble real quickly. So where do you, as parents, draw the line? How do you govern the internet in your house?
First off – the answer is not control. Making your child hold your hand while they surf the internet will not work – they know there is something out there you do not want them to see, and they want to know what and why. That’s the nature of kids – they rebel, without knowing what they get themselves into. I know many parents who slap restrictions on their children, like “You can’t have Instant Messenger.” And “You can’t be on MySpace.” Sorry guys, this isn’t going to stop your children, and I believe it will actually encourage them.
There are other downsides to control that are more than likely to arise from two conditions in many households:
- The children understand the technology better than their parents. Not always, but it is often the case with cutting-edge technology.
- Children have access to technology at other locations that are not under parental control.
Now, let’s take a look at some things that are not so good on the computer and what they could mean.
- Porn. Obviously, kids grow up and get curious about sex. That’s part of their growing stages. Middle school kids have been the worst from my experience – they tend to grow out of this stage after a while. It’s bad because… well, it’s just not a good idea for kids to be screwing around with. And you better have a good anti-virus.
- Pictures of themselves. This is a personal pet peeve of mine – kids who post pictures of themselves exposed on the internet – either giving them to friends or even posting them in a public area for others to ‘vote on their hotness’. It is exposing, dangerous, and could get your child in legal trouble. Parents probably don’t want their kids being seen naked by the masses online – and the kids could grow up to regret it.
- Cyber-bullying. Kids get picked on, no matter what. When they make information about themselves visible online, they are exposing their identity to classmates, friends, and people they don’t even know. It amazes me how quickly kids can get sidetracked and take their criticism way too far. Even last week, a girl – sadly – committed suicide based on a MySpace relationship. This is ultimately the most sad.
- Stalkers. People who think of the situations they are in and are knowledgeable about computers can usually pick these people out from a mile away. Let’s face it, almost anyone who has used IM has interacted with these folks at some point. It is obvious. But, kids don’t always think about what they are doing, and this can get them into trouble. You can see examples of the lengths these people are willing to go to with kids on any “To Catch a Predator” episode of Dateline. It is disgusting and sickening.
So after these four things, I’m sure you are ready to ban your kid from the internet forever. Don’t. Let me explain what you can do to keep the situation under control without making your child think he / she is being controlled.
- Educate them. Be interested in how they use technology. See what they do, and educate them on the possible dangers, but don’t hesitate to point out the positive effects it could have.
- Monitor them. This is called passive detection. You don’t have to completely ban them from the internet, just watch what they do. Have traffic going through your router logged – it isn’t difficult to do, and they will never know you are doing it. If you do notice them starting to stray into questionable things – put their feet to the fire – but do not restrict them from the technology.
Passive monitoring can be achieved many ways, through all sorts of monitoring programs around the internet costing between $25 and $50. It is often the best way to handle the situation and still allow your child to live in this century. Be smart, trust your kid, and educate them. It will be very helpful in the future.
The PCMech.com weekly newsletter has been running strong for over 8 years. Sign up to get tech news, updates and exclusive content - right in your inbox. Also get (several) free gifts.
Great article. This is a major reason I keep up with technology and do log IM conversations and occasionally check them.
I have 6 kids in my home, ranging from 10 to 13.
What seems to be working was sitting them all down and explaining the danger to them. I then explained that thier freedom is theirs to lose, and that I would occasionally monitor what they do on Myspace and IM programs. They are free to use them, and we occasionally log in and check things out. It seems to have worked well so far.
A lot of kids also use the internet just to play games! A big difference from the generation of mine!
oh man .. god bless u. I have a 13 years old brother. And I never know how to deal with him. well .. he mostly play games online .. but u never know what he can do when u are away ..
thanks ..
A teen with good pc knowledge can easily know if he is logged.He may bypass or sabotage it and might also rebel against his parents.
A good logging method, such as using a firewall like Smoothwall, does not give the teen a choice. They may know they are being logged, but they don’t have much say in the matter. Especially if Smoothwall is used as the DHCP host… have fun bypassing that.
But anyway, rebeling against parents probably isn’t going to be the concern.
Internet safety is rapidly becoming one of the toughest issues facing parents today.
As my child an Internet geek girl I have to keep track of what she is doing online. Happily, my colleague Diane recommended me parental control software Ez Parental Control. This program is great! It is easy to use that allows me to restrict my kid activity by blocking programs or websites with adult content.