What is dogs bollocks? It doesn't sound good.
I use Mandrake 7.0. There were some frustrating times in the initial set-up. It does have a cool interface (kde desktop) but that's not all that is there. It's kind of like a Ferrari. Looks good on the outside and a great engine under the hood (bonnet?). As opposed to Windows which may look like a Ferrari on the outside but the engine is a couple of hamsters on a wheel inside.
I don't know about the printer and the sound card but I know that the modem will work. You may have to disable PNP in the BIOS.
I personally think that it is worth it. I have not rebooted my system in about three months now.
Here are a couple of links that may help your setup.
http://sunsite.auc.dk/linux-newbie/ http://sunsite.auc.dk/linux-newbie/F...etup_soundcard http://sunsite.auc.dk/linux-newbie/F...#setup_printer
Hope this helps.