A Song I wrote.....opinions & criticism welcome

[rapidarp]

I was cleaning out some boxes in my closet and I found a photo of my ex-girlfriend. A short time later, I thought of a couple lines and then I began writing on a piece of paper and I came up with this. Please post any comments and/or criticism. I don't intend to start a band with this song or anything. It's just something I doodled up.


"Your loss, not mine"

I remember when I asked you out
You said yes
And I didn't have a doubt
That you were the one for me

We always spent time together
Whoever knew it wouldn't last forever
The message came and I couldn't believe
How could you do this to me?


Chorus:
It's your loss, not mine
We'll get over it
And move on with time

You made the choice
And I am fine
Cause it's your loss, not mine


I don't think it'll ever work again
Things wouldn't be the same anymore
You can hop onto the train
Cause you're the only one to blame

The mistake you made
Will cost you in time
Give it a while
And you'll see that your not fine

Chorus (x2)

[Nuclear Krusader]

Not bad.

[rspassey]

Very good. I can see that being sung by an Emo or Screamo band to some heavy power chords and with some melodic intervals. If you have any friends in a band, you could pitch the idea to them.

[rapidarp]

Thanks guys. I pictured it being sung by a band like Blink 182 or something but I guess it goes good with heavy power chords. lol.

[rspassey]

I could see it sung by Hawthorne Heights, Hit the Lights, First To Dance Last to Leave, Silverstein, or Meriwether. (just a few of the bands I know whose lyrics are similar to those you wrote.)

[Nuclear Krusader]

I can see it sung way earlier, as anyone could just appropriate it. Gotta be careful when posting non-copyrighted material, mate.