given the boot

[bdunn]

My wife and I have had our share of problems but after an argument last week I was asked to leave.

An attorney confirmed for me that she cannot forcibly throw me out because both names are on the lease and also that by leaving I am not waiving any rights to see the kids or any possesions in the apartment.

I left but am wondering what the next step is. Has anyone here ever got divorced in NY?

[HAL9000]

Divorced, yes, but not in NY. We agreed to disagree and went our own ways. Instead of letting lawyers getting all the profig (sorry Ron), I purchased a divorce "kit". Everything I needed was in it and the whole process cost $210CDN (kit included) of which we each paid half.

[LawyerRon]

Hal,
That works great if there's no kids involved. If there's kids, you MUST go before a Judge to have the court determine custody, support, visitation, etc. The court has an affirmative duty to look after the "best interests of the child". However, this does not mean you need to get Lawyers involved. In fact you may be better off if you don't. In most cases, if the other spouse is cooperative and not hostile, you can do the divorce yourself with the so-called "divorce kits". You will still need to go before a Judge though.

Caveat: This is a family law issue and family law is a creature of "State Law", so I can't comment on the "specific" laws in NY, but, the statements above are generally correct in most every state.

[LawyerRon]

Quote by Hal,
"Instead of letting lawyers getting all the profig (sorry Ron), ....."

No need to apologize Hal,
I'm not a Family Law Attorney.
I don't fight over pots and pans.

[bdunn]

Ron,

What do you know about mediation? Anything?

Bruce

[LawyerRon]

Bruce,
I can tell you in some state's it mandatory. Mediation can be a good way to go if both parties are willing to cooperative and you have an effective mediator. Feel free to pm me if you would like to discuss this further in private as I appreciate the personal nature of this matter.

[madthumbs]

Yes, been divorced in NY. Be careful! At this point it is best to play off her pity as opposed to continuing any arguments or fights. Women almost always are heavily favored in court. If she wants you out, all she needs to do is start a domestic dispute and eventually say you hit her wether you did or not. You're up $hit creek if that happens. You have nothing to lose by being nice, and you have a lot to lose by being mean wether she is in the right or you are. Either way it's over so it doesn't matter right? 99% of the time it's both parties faults in marital breakups. Try to acknowledge your own faults without the "buts" and you will be the wiser.

A wise freind of mine once told a cop that asked if he was beating his g/f "I don't have to physically abuse her, I can hurt her worse mentally". Physical abuse is more tangible, that doesn't make it worse.

[HAL9000]

That's where I was lucky Ron, no kids at the time so that wasn't an issue. Since neither of us were going to dispute the divorce settlement, we didn't even need to be there in front of the judge, it was almost too easy.