WHY Do People...

[SARGE]

Who do so many folks question another's motives when helping them out? I've always been the generous type (to excess according to some). The crowd goes out for dinner and I pick up the tab, often causing a rift because they think I'm insinuating they can't pay or being condescending. We go shopping and I throw the card out to pay for the other guy (or gals) stuff and meet resistance. Someone meets a large unexpected expense that hurts their budget and I immediately write a check or offer cash. All I ever get is "you're taking advantage of my vulnerability", or somesuch. Guess too many folks think there are strings attached or ulterior motives involved. Shoot, I'm just being me.

Am I missing something??

[M. A. Dockter]

Same reason you didn't go get help for 30+ years.

Pride.

[Panama Red]

Yup, you're missing something alright. Your missing the 'greed' and 'what's in it for me' attitude that is so prevalent in today's world. My hats off to ya, Sarge. If you've got the financial or physcial ability to help someone, I say make the offer. Guess that's why so many gift givers prefer to remain anonymous - lot less grief answering to the crowd looking for ulterior motives.

[Floppyman]

Originally posted by Panama Red Yup, you're missing something alright. Your missing the 'greed' and 'what's in it for me' attitude that is so prevalent in today's world. My hats off to ya, Sarge. If you've got the financial or physcial ability to help someone, I say make the offer. Guess that's why so many gift givers prefer to remain anonymous - lot less grief answering to the crowd looking for ulterior motives.

Couldn't have said it better myself, PR.

[jong2k4]

I'm not so prideful that I would outright refuse offers of cash ;-) but I would hesitate. It's about independence- people take great pleasure in being able to support themselves, and if they accept gifts then that might be saying they can't support themselves after all. Also, some people probably wonder if you're going to call in some favor from them in the future, and they don't want to be indebted.

Not that I'm opposed to the whole generosity thing, I think it's great that there are people looking out for more than themselves.

[homer15]

for me, when people offer to do stuff for me, i always feel like i owe them something. i don't like oweing people. that's one of the main reasons i don't take handouts. i especially hate it when someone pays for something for me, then won't take my money for it.
growing up, we never had much money, but we were proud (there's that word) of what we did have and we were making it on our own. i guess that's still with me.

[TwoRails]

Also, many people do not understand "friendship" or the acts of friendship.

[Spartan]

I think most people believe true altruism is dead. In todays world there always seems to be a string attached somewhere. I have found this to be especially true in the city. In the country (rural) I have found people to be more accepting of altruistic offers. Out of respect they most often offer to pitch in there fair share but won't suspect you of having an ulterior motive. I think that comes from a sense of family between farmers and ranchers where they would band together and help each other to survive (stemming from the old days). I think we have lost that in the city.

-Spartan

[Tin]

Originally posted by Panama Red Yup, you're missing something alright. Your missing the 'greed' and 'what's in it for me' attitude that is so prevalent in today's world. My hats off to ya, Sarge. If you've got the financial or physcial ability to help someone, I say make the offer. Guess that's why so many gift givers prefer to remain anonymous - lot less grief answering to the crowd looking for ulterior motives.

you got that right . im a very generous guy myself, well to the point of it being expected of me. i dont have any problem helping people out physically/financially, but ive had instances where people tried depending on me. i mean hell, im only 23 years old and with some people, it feels more or less like im their father instead of a friend.

[HAL9000]

I've NEVER questioned somebody's motives... I received a VERY generous gift with memories that will last forever and not once did I question why.... I'm just VERY apreciative of the gift that I received.

[Panama Red]

Originally posted by Tin Canary but ive had instances where people tried depending on me. i mean hell, im only 23 years old and with some people, it feels more or less like im their father instead of a friend.

That's the other half of the "what's in it for me" crowd. Their other saying is: "How much can I get away with".

[Nuclear Krusader]

It's annoying how many people nowadays think that there's a catch in everything. Most of them also fear that they will be compromised to return the favour if they accept the gift.

[raftero]

i try not to get into anything i can't afford so when someone is generous enough to offer to pick up the ticket i usually say ok i'll get it next trip. lilke Hiomer said, i have a lot of pride , i guess if it was a matter of my family having to suffer i would accept a gift but it hasn't come to that so i dont know.

[DaOgOeM]

Sarge,
I agree with the others in that pride may be affecting their ability to take your gift at face value.

My rule to giving money or helping someone out is this:
If I do, then I offer it with no preconceptions and no expectations what so ever, and if I never get the favor returned or repaid by that person... it's nothing to me because I have already forgotten the gesture. I leave it up to them to deal with that.
Now on the other hand...If I ask for money or someone does me a favor then I either pay them back as soon as I can (and the sooner the better) or I make a point to help them with something and offer to do as much. (would I turn down a million dollars from Bill Gates to sleep with my wife ..heck no! but hey that's just me...and besides he slept with my wife...the lucky guy...all I get is the million.)

Throughout the past people have used money and goods to control people and to influence opinions (Organized crime used their wealth in this way). City of Troy...here is a gift for your king. People have learned to distrust over the years. I keep my own backyard as clean as possible and mind my business...holding only myself to the standards I set.

Just forget it and move on. Keep being a good person...stop when you see an accident...help your fellow Human!
But don't be naive about it...

Free advice only

[HAL9000]

Free advice? Whats your motive behind that?

[dldz]

Probably wants you take him out on a ATV ride Muddy~Buddy Dave

[SARGE]

Thanks for the input, fellers. I never considered I might be overbearing in giving and can see where some would take the generosity the wrong way. I never consciously meant to make one feel "obligated" afterwards. Life ain't as simple as I pretend it to be at times.

[compusport]

unfortunately, there isn't a single golden rule that you can go off Sarge. I'm sure we all have friends that we would happily pay the bill for every time and there are those who will look at you when it comes time to pay. Whenever a friend springs for lunch or for tickets, or whatever, I make a mental note of taking them out for something similar. But thats just me. There are those who wouldn't give returning the favor a second thought and as Panama said there's going to be people who want to see how far it can take them.

Personally, i'd say that how someone reacts to your offer is going to be a good insight into their character

[theyosh]

The way I look at it is kinda like how i look at PCMech, in the process of building my new comp i had lots of help here and now that i've finished my build I'm not just going to disappear and leave everyone in PCMech in the dust. To show my appreciation to this site I am still actively browsing to see if i can help anybody with anything.

I guess what i'm trying to say is when i need help i accept it when it is offered, and whenever i can help out a friend or family member i always try and help the out in anyway i can!

theyosh