This is Funny - Wife Software Conflicts

[drisley]

Thought I would post this for a laugh. Fitting, too, since I am just recently engaged to my wonderful girlfriend.

Dear Tech Support: This summer I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 103, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 36 I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back toGirlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help! Thanks, Troubled User.. (KEEP READING) _____________________________________ REPLY: Dear Troubled User: This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is anOPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual underWarnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 30, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 ! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system. Best of luck, Tech Support

[HAL9000]

You're behind the times Dris... that one is pretty old.. but I'll give you this one because it still makes me laugh.

[rjfvillarosa]

Sorry Dris... it is a bit old but still a good one, I have a slightly different version somewhere.
Try these..

>Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
>Female customer: A white one...
>----------------------------------------------------------
>Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
>Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
>Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
>Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..."
>Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still
>on my desk... sorry ...
>----------------------------------------------------------
>Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
>Customer: Your left or my left?
>----------------------------------------------------------
>Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
>Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
>Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
>Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
>Gates damn it!
>----------------------------------------------------------
>Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it
>says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it
>in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find
>it...
>----------------------------------------------------------
>Customer: I have problems printing in red...
>Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
>Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
>----------------------------------------------------------
>Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
>Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
>--------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
>Customer: It's not working.
>Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
>Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's
>happening...
>----------------------------------------------------------
>Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
>Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
>Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
>Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
>Customer: OK
>Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
>Customer: Yes
>Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
>keyboard?
>Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
>----------------------------------------------------------
>Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital
>letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
>Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
>----------------------------------------------------------
>A customer couldn't get on the internet.
>Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
>Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
>Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
>Customer: Five stars.
>----------------------------------------------------------
>Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
>Customer: Netscape.
>Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
>Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
>----------------------------------------------------------
>Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on
>my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
>----------------------------------------------------------
>Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
>Old woman: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you
>please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
>Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
>Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than
>4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
>----------------------------------------------------------
>Helpdesk: How may I help you?
>Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
>Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?>
>Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get
>the circle around it?

[Nuclear Krusader]

Originally Posted by rjfvillarosa >Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. >Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button? >Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. >Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..." >Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still >on my desk... sorry ...

Reminds me of the secretary of an old customer of mine. I sold them a machine without a floppy drive, yet the case was one of those that had a slot with a button for the floppy. Days later I received a call that the machine was eating the diskettes, so I had to go to the office, open the case, take out the pile of diskettes she had inserted and put masking tape on the slot. Jeez.

[Kareeser]

>Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use? >Customer: Netscape. >Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program. >Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

Anti-virus program?

Sorry, that one was a cheap shot...

Oh, but congratulations, drisley!

[786ARS]

i dread the day i have to sort out someones pc who doesnt know what an antivirus is and uses winexplorer.

[ComputerNut]

>Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you? >Male customer: Hello... I can't print. >Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ... >Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill >Gates damn it!

Would have been interesting to see how this one ended

[HAL9000]

Originally Posted by 786ARS i dread the day i have to sort out someones pc who doesnt know what an antivirus is and uses winexplorer.

No different than cleaning out a virus from any other computer.

[kstatefan40]

Congrats on getting engaged, David.

Nice joke, I haven't seen that one before

[Nuclear Krusader]

Some people are actually viruses to their own computers.

[sdkfz]

if you like these then try tis link.

http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

[doctorgonzo]

Originally Posted by 786ARS i dread the day i have to sort out someones pc who doesnt know what an antivirus is and uses winexplorer.

Welcome to my world.

I am amazed that some people are able to hold jobs involving computers, given their ignorance.

[786ARS]

i'm just lucky that most of the pc's i have had to fix are used by people who understand basic internet protection.

[Kareeser]

Originally Posted by http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/ A while back, a friend of mine and I were discussing his new computer when he made a comparison to another friend's computer and said, "I know mine's better because it's bigger." I had a hard time not laughing.

This must mean the ENIAC was one hell of a supercomputer!!

You can't really blame these people for their ignorance, since all this "newfangled" technology was suddenly thrust upon them. It's when they try to pass that knowledge on to other people, that it crosses the line

[pam123]

Congratulations on the engagement.

[juppy]

Nice one! Old or not, I hadn't heard it. Oh yeah, congrats on the engagement too, dris!

[SARGE]

A good laugh and thanks. Good luck on your new venture. My negativism speaks that marriage ruins alot of good relationships, however I'm sure you've done your homework.