OnLine Dating

[EzyStvy]

Has anyone done this

I've been thinking about it for a while. Joined a site called OurTime.com that caters to people over 50.

Looks to have about 500 single women in my zip code radius. BUT, there are only about 15 guys in the same area.... That's either a good thing for me or a bad thing..

My biggest concern are women that might "wink" at me that I have no interest in. The site doesn't have any instructions per se... I "Guess" that if I don't like someones looks/bio I simply don't wink back???

Had a couple friends say that I should be more concerned about women Not liking my looks/bio

Have heard and read some horror stories about how many people don't exactly tell the truth to make themselves look better... And or the pictures they post are 20 years old.

I'd appreciate any feedback

[David M]

I used Match.com about 12 years ago right before I met my wife. They don't pick women out for you. You make that effort. I ran across a little deception with a couple women, but nothing serious.

I ended up meeting my wife through a very large church sponsored singles group.

[Petef56]

www.pof.com

That's Plenty Of Fish online dating and it's free, with some pay options. I would NOT recommend many of the pay only sites because they just don't have enough women to choose from. POF has millions of members and in my opinion, it's better than most of the pay only services.

Once you make a contact, there are 4 basic phases in online dating. Email, Chat, Phone and Face to face. Try to get into chat ASAP where you can find a great deal about someone by asking personal questions you might not feel comfortable asking n a face to face meeting. I can learn more about a person in a 15 minute Chat session than hours spent on a face to face first date. Chat is your best screening tool, if used properly. Take notes on any answers they give you.

Be aware that many women don't like to Chat online. There can also be technical obstacles to getting into chat. In that case, you are at a disadvantage, and will be forced to talk by phone instead. Don't push the Chat thing if they are not up to it, you could lose some opportunities.

After chat get them on the phone but try to wait several days after the chat. You need time for them to forget any lies they may have told you in Chat. Use your notes from Chat and casually ask some of the same questions. If you get conflicting answers, it will be a BIG RED FLAG that they can't be trusted. You can learn things on the phone about a person that can't be detected in Chat.

If all goes well in Chat and Phone, now it's time to have the face to face. Use your best judgement. It's best to meet in a public place for a brief meeting to see if you click. Plan for making it a short date just in case they lied about who they are or if you immediately see them and know you don't like them.

Good luck!

---pete

[MaxRat]

Originally Posted by EzyStvy Has anyone done this I've been thinking about it for a while. Joined a site called OurTime.com that caters to people over 50. Looks to have about 500 single women in my zip code radius. BUT, there are only about 15 guys in the same area.... That's either a good thing for me or a bad thing.. My biggest concern are women that might "wink" at me that I have no interest in. The site doesn't have any instructions per se... I "Guess" that if I don't like someones looks/bio I simply don't wink back??? Had a couple friends say that I should be more concerned about women Not liking my looks/bio Have heard and read some horror stories about how many people don't exactly tell the truth to make themselves look better... And or the pictures they post are 20 years old. I'd appreciate any feedback

Yes I did this.....

Shortly before I joined here (a few years) I got divorced and was fairly young (mid 20s) and found that most of the woman around here werent worth the effort and after playing the field for a while I turned to the Online scene...

I actually joined a site that was free at the time called Dating.com... met quite a few ladies in the chat rooms and talked to a few for a while...

Being very skeptical I kept distance to just chat rooms...There was one that stuck out and we chatted for about 6 months and then a few phone conversations... after a while I thought about meeting. I lived here in Indiana and she lived in Paris, Texas....

After a month or so of phone conversations and whatnot we decided to take the next step and meet. I drove to texas with a friend and had a pretty good weekend. Met her and her family.... Mind you she was 9 years younger than me... at that time I think I was 28ish... We met September 15th 2001 just a few days after 9/11 so that put me at 30 years old...

We met and we had decided right off the bat if there wasnt anything there we'd move on... at that time she had a 3 year old daughter and I had 2 young daughters myself.... we also told each other that if the others children didnt like the other there was no use moving forward... Kids love me so I had no issue as her daughter took to me almost immediately...

She came to stay with me for a week that thanksgiving to she how things would be... then I took her back home and we continued talks... I went and stayed with her for 3 months over X-Mas and New Years and we both came back 2nd week of February and she's been here since...

Since then her mother and sisters have all moved here...we've commuted back and forth a few times in between...her mom has lived with us for about 5 years now...

We got married in 2005 and have had a few more children... would I recommend it to everyone...? No... but if you use your head and gut feelings and take LOTS of time and weed out the bad ones you'll be fine...

There are alot of scams out there and scammers alike so just be careful.

I have a cousing who met a girl who lived in Spain through a video game and they are happily married as well and she is here too... I have another friend who met a Columbia'n girl and he went and married her and is having all kinds of grief...not something i would have done and after $1,000's later and marrital grief I would have walked long ago...

Not saying my life or relationship has been 100% all the time but it has stood the test of time so far....it aint been easy but I've always said I love a good challenge and I got one...........

[EzyStvy]

Thanks for the feedback...But I'm still curious about me not liking someone that likes me.

I believe they do what's called a "wink" which is used to signal that they are interested. Do you just ignore them if you aren't interested?

[David M]

Not to discourage you, but....

[MaxRat]

It depends I guess.... you can always make great friends and word travels pretty quick...

I always returned conversations even if I wanst interested. I just let them all know I was looking for the special someone.... but I believe it takes time... usually after 6 months the real them comes out...

[EzyStvy]

Nice story Max...

I just read a ton of stuff about when you don't like the other person. The vast majority say that ignoring works the best. Part of the reason is that so many people hit on everyone on the site hoping to get lucky on a few...

Many people got burned by sending a nice thanks but no thanks messages. Other person writes back and gets nasty etc....

[MaxRat]

yes I am sure and that sure weeds out the bad ones quickly... there are many out there looking to gain your trust in hopes of a little pay day....

Many bleed on the hard luck story or love struck either way looking for money.... just shy away from those that hint about needing money for bills or what not and definitely those that hit they'll come visit if you send airfare....

Using good judgement and common sense goes a long ways...

[EzyStvy]

Oh...I'm a local guy only kind of person.. Never dawned on me that there are gold diggers out there

Course, I' think I've already see a couple of red flags...

About the one I'm looking for... (Hints: Key personality trailts, values, relationship priorities, etc.)

Darn site misspelled Traits

There's one woman that caught my eye so I added her to my favorite... Apparently that triggered an email to her? Anyway, I haven't even filled out my profile or posted a picture and she has already sent me a wink...But, I think I have to pay up in-order to chat back...

Oh well, this could be an adventure.

[David M]

Clarke Howard was talking about one dating service that requires a credit report. That makes some sense actually not to match up those with horrible credit records to those with good records given so many divorces occur over money. If I were dating these days I would want to know how well a potential future mate handles her money.

[EzyStvy]

I'll be 58 in a couple of weeks... I'm more interested in bank account balances than I am bra sizes

[EzyStvy]

$23.99 later and I got to read this girls message: Do you have any pictures

[jdeb]

I find it interesting that people consider social media as an avenue for finding a relationship. I do not see anything wrong with it but can think of many things that could go wrong while doing it. What does it say about our society in general? Is it vanity? Is it trust related? Is is spiritually related? Why can we not meet someone socially and develop? Can not someone be more dishonest or pretend to be someone different behind a keyboard? It is scary stuff. However, I can imagine the process could be exciting. Maybe this is the new social?

I was introduced to my wife. A couple that shared similar interests and I had a great deal of respect for, introduced her. It was not love at first sight. We just became friends gradually after many social events. It was over a year before our first date. We also waited to have a sexual relationship until marriage. I guess the point is in the introduction. The couple knew us individually and introduced us because of our moral and ethical nature. We are not saints but two individuals that did it wrong the first time and realized a better way. We are happy. She was horrible with money and I taught her. I was horrible in my attitude towards woman and did not know how to treat one. She taught me how to treat a woman.

I have no advise other than be careful. In my opinion, there is a greater risk of deception with social media.

If you know some people that you have a great deal of respect for, talk to them and tell them you want to find someone to share your life with and would they be willing to introduce someone to you if the opportunity presented itself. You may be surprised. Most people would not think of it until asked to do so. I asked that couple in the same manner and I was blessed.

[MaxRat]

With social media it is easier to get to know one from a Personality point of view instead of being asphyxiated on looks alone... To many are hung up on things to look at the whole package or bigger picture...

There are a lot of bad things that can happen.... Some of them I got the bad idea I was going to get jacked or robbed and I was very cautious... I always had that in my mind. I've heard many horror stories.

For me it was like this... had I met my wife locally she probably wouldnt have given me the time of day... same for me... I figured she was above my league...but getting to know each other on a different level got past all those superficial issues

[Tin]

I had bad luck dating online, met nothing but a bunch of girls looking for a sugar daddy, well...that was 12 or 13 years ago, and I was young and dumb too . Met my wife at work nearly 10 years ago, been together for 7, and married 4. The old addage says "dont get your bread and milk from the same store", but our relationship together has been nothing but joy.

[EzyStvy]

Originally Posted by jdeb I find it interesting that people consider social media as an avenue for finding a relationship.

I can stop ya right there... For me anyway, I need help MEETING people. I'm not even thinking about the word relationship at this point.

I'm a couch potato - work in an office with 7 other people that I don't socialize with after work and I go to the same hole in the wall on Friday nights. Darn best friend won't go any where else. Hitting on women at Tom Thumbs isn't going to happen.... All the little girls behind the counters at Taco Bell are to young and not my type.

I've always tried to network with friends & family members etc.. My lil sister is determined to hook me up. Met three of her friends and went out with one. Darn near every time I meet someone I ask if they have a single sister...or single mom

In my younger days, I worked with real large companies and dated girls from field offices or other retail managers. Working in a mall was cool.. It was like a city within a city. I'd date a couple different girls at the same time...

Thought I'd share this:

Meeting someone new is always interesting. Blind date fart in the car (HQ) the original! - YouTube

[jdeb]

That was hilarious

[Petef56]

Originally Posted by MaxRat There are a lot of bad things that can happen.... Some of them I got the bad idea I was going to get jacked or robbed and I was very cautious... I always had that in my mind. I've heard many horror stories.

That's so true. That's why I think it's best to go slowly doing Email first, then chat, then phone, then more chat, before meeting face to face. If someone is just out to rob you or out to get a free meal & some entertainment they probably won't invest all that time in building the relationship.

It's been my experience that going slowly reveals incompatibilities and save a lot of trouble by NOT moving to the next step of the face to face meeting.

---pete---

[MaxRat]

Originally Posted by EzyStvy I can stop ya right there... For me anyway, I need help MEETING people. I'm not even thinking about the word relationship at this point. I'm a couch potato - work in an office with 7 other people that I don't socialize with after work and I go to the same hole in the wall on Friday nights. Darn best friend won't go any where else. Hitting on women at Tom Thumbs isn't going to happen.... All the little girls behind the counters at Taco Bell are to young and not my type. I've always tried to network with friends & family members etc.. My lil sister is determined to hook me up. Met three of her friends and went out with one. Darn near every time I meet someone I ask if they have a single sister...or single mom In my younger days, I worked with real large companies and dated girls from field offices or other retail managers. Working in a mall was cool.. It was like a city within a city. I'd date a couple different girls at the same time... Thought I'd share this:

Dude get a part time job at walmart...LOL I get more woman hitting on me than I know what to do with...those chicks are crazy but of coarse I am a big flirt but my wife works full time there days and I wouldnt ever dream of taking any of them up on their offers...but it is funny

[Force Flow]

Originally Posted by MaxRat Dude get a part time job at walmart...LOL I get more woman hitting on me than I know what to do with...those chicks are crazy but of coarse I am a big flirt but my wife works full time there days and I wouldnt ever dream of taking any of them up on their offers...but it is funny

people of walmart

hmmm....

[David M]

Hah... I was thinking the same Force.

Man, if Walmart ever looks tempting then there are some bars in San Francisco that might interest you...

[quartet-man]

Originally Posted by EzyStvy I've always tried to network with friends & family members etc.. My lil sister is determined to hook me up. Met three of her friends and went out with one. Darn near every time I meet someone I ask if they have a single sister...or single mom.

That might be your problem: (Going out on a blind date and asking them if they have mothers or sisters you could date)

Force Flow, I thought you might say a good way to meet chicks would be swooping in to save the day!

[MaxRat]

Originally Posted by jdeb That was hilarious

ha ha missed that but I watched it and then I suddenly wound up watching old drag racing vids from the 60s and 70s.... so there was a happy ending after all

[Force Flow]

Originally Posted by quartet-man Force Flow, I thought you might say a good way to meet chicks would be swooping in to save the day!

haha, +1 on your "reason for editing" comment