how upset would you be if

[Pythagorean]

your significant other didnt get you anything for Christmas?

I know, men hate shopping and think women are the driving force behind the holiday shopping frenzy... But, isnt a gift a way to say you're thinking about someone? or appriciate them?

Sometimes I think its petty for me to be upset or angry. But other times I think he is colossally selfish that he cant spend an afternoon to buy something or plan something special for me. And no, he does not show me he appriciates me everyday...kind of thing, so I was kind of hoping this year he'd make an effort.

Whats your take?

[morriswindgate]

Does this happen every year? I believe that a woman deserves a gift on every holiday just for putting up with men.

[Pythagorean]

He doenst shop. Not for gifts, or his clothes for that matter. But he did just buy a new shop vac..does that count? haha..

So no, its not just this year, its almost always (to be fair, he did make an effort back in 1998) been like this. I knew he wasnt into the gift giving thing when we got together, and try to accept that. But its funny, when the relationship is going better, its easier to overlook this gift issue as a quirk. But since we've been having some troubles over the last 6 months, no gift is translating into....here's another way he's not thinking of my feelings..

[HAL9000]

No, I don't think a material gift is absolutely necessary, but some attempt should be made by him to show some form of appreciation which can often be better than any material possession.

[archie]

If there's no gifts for Christmas, there could be a reason ... If there's also no gift for a birthday or valentine's day, then the significant other would appear to be uncaring. A gift is a gesture to show you're thinking about someone and/or, appreciate them.

[ed61115]

Originally posted by sabina_411 your significant other didnt get you anything for Christmas? I know, men hate shopping and think women are the driving force behind the holiday shopping frenzy... But, isnt a gift a way to say you're thinking about someone? or appriciate them? Sometimes I think its petty for me to be upset or angry. But other times I think he is colossally selfish that he cant spend an afternoon to buy something or plan something special for me. And no, he does not show me he appriciates me everyday...kind of thing, so I was kind of hoping this year he'd make an effort. Whats your take?

========================================

-- The only important opinion here is YOURS.

But I will offer this- if he does not gamble away necessary funds,
if he does not abuse alcohol, if he does not physically abuse you,
if he does not waste away his time by not being employed (or looking
for work), well from what I hear from so many spouses, you may
consider yourself -quite lucky. But that is only my opinion.

Some women would consider him an EXCELLENT "gift", from what
they have currently.

Perhaps you should -count your blessings-....

[LawyerRon]

Sabina,
Your husband's behavior is unacceptable. Something's going on here that's beyond the scope of this forum. Good luck dear, you're going to need it.

[joplinsdrink]

I'm nearly speechless, can't seem to believe you need to ask. But for what it's worth, I'm telling you, it won't get better. This is as good as it's going to get, if he doesn't do for you now he will only do less as time goes on. I've always said I can be sad, unhappy, and miserable all by myself, I don't need no one to do it for me. Your partner should be an enhancement to your life and you his, life is short.

[Pythagorean]

Originally posted by ed61115 ======================================== -- The only important opinion here is YOURS. But I will offer this- if he does not gamble away necessary funds, if he does not abuse alcohol, if he does not physically abuse you, if he does not waste away his time by not being employed (or looking for work), well from what I hear from so many spouses, you may consider yourself -quite lucky. But that is only my opinion. Some women would consider him an EXCELLENT "gift", from what they have currently. Perhaps you should -count your blessings-....

Its really sad to think that women should consider themselves "lucky" to be in a relationship that they are not abused in.

[highrisemech]

Although I think it is wrong for your husband not to go out and get you a gift for Christmas, I do not think it is an issue large enough to throw away a marriage. Obviously there is some sort of underlying problem. I would suggset you seek a marriage counselor at your local church or counseling service.
This may be a problem that you both can easily work out. And possibly find mutual respect and love for one and other. I have seen to many marriages go south for the wrong reasons. A marriage is give and take on both sides,
but always giving your significant other the benefit of the doubt first.

[jessho]

Ask for a reason. You might not like the answer, but it's better than harboring resentment.

[archie]

Whether Sabina_411 is married or not is not known at this point ... if not, the solution seems rather simple [perhaps too easy].

[KronoLeginaire]

ed...

[jessho]

I don't know if it is easy. Believe me, after 17 years of being married to the same woman, I don't know why we have made it this long, but bailing out never seemed to be the right answer.

[archie]

Perhaps I should elaborate ... Sabina, it's not petty at all to feel that way. If you're not married to this 'man', the answer is rather simple it would seem ... format /Q [wipe out the old and start anew].
Keeping in mind that it's always easier to make such a decision when not in someone elses shoes ... the path you now live was influenced by choices that were made in the past ... much like the path that will be 10 years from now is influenced by choices being made today and in the near future ... You deserve much better.

[Pythagorean]

I've always thought that being upset about not getting a gift was a shortcomming in my personality. I dont think its in the spirit of the season to _expect_ gifts. I'm a little surprised that there hasnt been more responses condeming the consumerism that is so prevalent this time of year.

Your responses have reassured me this issue is not so superficial, and that my being upset is not frivolous.

[SARGE]

I resent giving gifts when it's "expected", i.e, Valentines, Christmas, Mothers Day, Secretaries Day, Grandparents Day, etc. It's all a commercial gimmick, to make you feel you ought to give. I give gifts all year, for no occasion. That way no one feels it's to fulfill an obligation. Getting something for Christmas or Valentines is nice, but bopping in with a box of candy and flowers nets more smiles when unexpected. A diamond ring and new swimsuit in the dead of summer does wonders. I wouldn't suggest someone see a counselor because he ignores the "special days". BTW, who started those days, anyway? Hallmark and women

[Kassia]

Yes, it is true, gifts come in all sizes, shapes, expenses, and can also come just from the heart with no monetary attachment. But from what I gather from what sabina said, he gave nothing. I think in such a busy world, having some special days throughout the year to show love and appreciation to one another is not too much to ask. Keep in mind, this works both ways. So, you have every right to feel the way you do, sabina. Take care, sabina.

[highrisemech]

After being married 20 years I've found it best to try and work
out your differences before considering the alternatives.
Communication is key in any relationship.
Good luck.....