Post A Joke

[Battery Powered]

Rules, post one joke then give opion about the previous joke

The First Joke

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

[Rapier]

Fridges are always the last resort.



A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings
account because, "It's a lot of money!"

After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her
how much she would like to deposit.
She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.

The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this
money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your dangles are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet.
You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my dangles are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?"

"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his dangles, turning from side to side, again and again. He
thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his dangles were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated
the bet: $25,000 says the president's dangles are square!"

The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see.
The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his dangles and then asked if she could feel them.
"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head
against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's dangles in my hand."

[SARGE]

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other women replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man.
-----------------------
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

[homer15]

ewwww... and old lady all on the dangles?!
-----------------------------
you still have friends after you get married? huh.
-----------------------------

Heaven was getting a bit crowded, so Peter began giving quizzes to see who should get in. A man ascended to heaven, and came to the gates.
"Who was the first man?" asked Peter.
"Adam."
"That's correct. Enter." Soon another man came along.
"Where did Adam and Eve live?"
"Eden."
That's correct. Enter." Then Mother Theresa came along.
"Ooh, I'll have to give you a hard one. What did Eve say when she met Adam for the first time?"
"Mmm, that IS a hard one."
"Enter."

[Battery Powered]

(Here goes another one)


Diary of an AOL User

July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd better hold onto it in case they don't ever send me anther one! I can't connect. I don't know what is wrong.

July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?

July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.

July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. The nine year old next door did it for me. But it still don't work. I can't get online.

July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that's just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and he does these services for people. Anyway he's smarter then the jerks who sold me the modem. They didn't even tell me about communications software. I Bet they didn't know. And why do they put two telephone jack holes in the back of a modem when you only need one? And why do they have one labeled phone when you are not suppose to hook it to the phone jack on the wall? I thought the dial tone sounded funny! Boy, are modem makers dumb! But the kid figured it out by the sound.

July 26 - What's the Internet? I thought I was on America Online, not this Internet thing. I'm confused.

July 27 - The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use this America Online stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He says that he is compared to me. Maybe he's not so modest after all.

July 28 - I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer but nothing happened. maybe I need to buy a microphone.

July 29 - I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it because I'm connected to America Online not usenet.

July 30 - These people in this usenet thing keep using capital letters. How do they do that? I never figured out how to type capital letters. Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.

JULY 31 - I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT HAVING A CAPITOL LETTER KEY. THE TECH SUPPORT GUY SAID IT WAS THIS CAPS LOCK KEY. WHY DIDN'T THEY SPELL IT OUT? I TOLD HIM I GOT A CHEAP KEYBOARD AND WANTED A BETTER ONE. AND ONE OF MY SHIFT KEYS ISN'T THE SAME SIZE AS THE OTHER. HE SAID THATS A STANDARD. I TOLD HIM I DIDN'T WANT A STANDARD KEYBOARD BUT ANOTHER BRAND. I MUST HAVE HAD AN IMPORTANT COMPLAINT BECAUSE I HEARD HIM TELL THE OTHER SUPPORT GUYS TO LISTEN IN ON OUR CONVERSATION.

AUGUST 1 - I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS THAT IT CAN ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE INTERNET. I HOPE IT RESPONDS SOON.

AUGUST 2 - I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST THIS JOKE ABOUT THE CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! HA! HA! I WASN'T SURE I POSTED IT RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 56 MORE TIMES.

AUGUST 3 - I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DID'T KNOW SPIDERS GREW THAT LARGE.

AUGUST 4 - THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT WAS RUDE. I WAS SO ANGRY THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT TO REC.HUMOR.ORACLE. I WASNT SURE IF I POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 22 MORE TIMES.

AUGUST 5 - SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO USE PROFANITY.

AUGUST 6 - SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY MESSAGES. WHAT A STUPID JERK. IM NOT SHOUTING! IM NOT EVEN TALKING! JUST TYPING! HOW CAN THEY LET THESE RUDE JERKS GO ON THE INTERNET?

August 7 - Why have a Caps Lock key if you're not suppose to use it? Its probably an extra feature that costs more money.

August 8 - I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so excited. I'm going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions and posted it to every newsgroup I could find.

August 9 - I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long. I will have to work on it some more.

August 10 - I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of the earth. I wonder what an aol is.

August 11 - I was asking where to find some information about something. Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I've looked and looked but I can't find that group.

August 12 - I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. Hopefully someone will help. I can't ask the kid next door. His parents said that when he comes back from my house he's laughing so hard he can't eat or sleep or do his homework. So they wont let him come over anymore. I do have a great sense of humor. I don't know why the rec.humor group didn't like my chicken joke. Maybe they only like dirty stuff. Some people sent me posts about my 56 posts of the joke and they used bad words.

August 13 - I sent another post to every usenet group on the Internet asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. I had forgot yesterday to include my new signature file which is only 8 pages long. I know everyone will want to read my favorite poem so I included it. I'm also going to add that short story I like.

August 14 - Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing. I told him I don't have an account at his bank. He's so dumb.

[mrjohnsonjr]

a man in a long coat walks into a bar in a hi-rise building. He sits down next to another man and proceeds to order a drink...

he takes the drink, swallows it in one gulp, steps to the window, jumps out and flies around the building and comes back and sits down. he then repeats this feat after several more drinks.

amazed, the man sitting next to the stranger says to the bartender "i'll have what he's having." he takes his drink, drinks it in one gulp like the stranger did, walks over to the window, steps out, and falls to the ground below..

the bartender turns around to the stranger in the long coat and replies "superman, you gotta stop showing off...."

[Kassia]

ROFL!! Thas a good one. Here's one I just got today in my email:


The mind of a 6 year old is wonderful. First grade....true story.

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class...

She came to the part in the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, "....and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then and asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said : 'Holy
Sh!t! A talking chicken!"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

[HAL9000]

The Pope dies and naturally he goes to heaven. When he arrives at the pearly gates he is greeted with a huge welcome and promptly told that for all of his good work on Earth that he as attained some of the highest stature in heavan and is entitled access to everything including meeting with God without a prior appointment. All the Pope asks for is if there is some kind of library that documents conversations between God and any people on Earth. He is taken to a huge library with many scrolls of conversations. The Pope sits down and begins reading. After several days there is a bone chilling scream that comes from the library and everybody comes running. They see the Pope standing there pointing at one of the scrolls screaming and crying "THERE'S A "R"..... THERE'S A "R"!!!!! Everybody looks down at the word he's pointing at ..... celebrate

[SARGE]

Hal, both good ones.

[homer15]

hey hal, you just stole james martin's joke!

[HAL9000]

I didn't even notice that... I cut and pasted that from a list I have at home...oops... credit goes to JM I pulled mine.

Now... how the heck did I miss reading the first post

[homer15]

Originally posted by HAL9000 I didn't even notice that... I cut and pasted that from a list I have at home...oops... credit goes to JM I pulled mine. Now... how the heck did I miss reading the first post

i think the 9000+ posts are getting to you, man... you need to get some lemonade and relax

[Battery Powered]

Time to get the ball rolling again - off the subject of post counts (mines so small!!!!)
(and i too got the joke from an email)

PASTORAL VISIT
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. He took out a card, wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back and stuck it in the door.


When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis3:10." Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock . . ."

Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

[mrjohnsonjr]

here's another joke for the masses, enjoy:

A little boy who said his prayers every night would say,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless the cat,
and God bless the dog."

Well, one day the little boy was playing with the dog, and
the dog bit him. That night when he said his prayers, he
said, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless the
cat, and I don't care what happens to the dog." The next
morning when they woke up, they found the dog--dead.

A few days later, the little boy was playing with the cat,
and the cat scratched him. That night when he said his
prayers, he said, "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy,
and I don't care what happens to the cat." The next
morning when they woke up, they found the cat--dead.

A few days later, the little boy got in trouble with his
Daddy. That night when he said his prayers, he said,
"God bless Mommy, and I don't care what happens to Daddy."

Well, Daddy had heard the little boy's prayers every
night and remembered what had happened to the dog
and the cat. So, that night, Daddy stayed up until the
wee hours of the morning, determined that he would
fend off anything that tried to kill him. Finally, he gave
up and went to bed. He awoke the next morning, feeling
grateful that nothing happened to him and went to retrieve
the morning paper and the fresh milk bottle. When he
opened the front door; however, he found the milk man--dead.

[mrjohnsonjr]

just some fun....

> Pondering...
> Some Things to Think About...
> Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
> The mime next door went nuts.
> If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is
> that considered a hostage situation?
> Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't
> live there.
> If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
> Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
> If olive oil comes from olives,
> where does baby oil come from?
> I went for a walk last night, and my kids asked me how long I'd be
> gone.
> I said, "The whole time."
> So what's the speed of dark?
> How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees?
> And who has been diss-ing them anyhow?
> After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT
of
> the water?
> Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
> If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
> I just got skylights put in my place.
> The people who live above me are furious.
> Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

[LWHiway]

COLD WATER

A man went to visit his 90-year old Grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of the state he lived in. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film like substance on his plate and he questioned his Grandfather, "Are these plates clean?"

His Grandfather replied, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them. So go on and finish your meal."

That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch, he noticed tiny specks around the edge of his plate, and a substance that looked like dried egg yokes, so he asked again, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"

Without looking up from his hamburger, the Grandfather says, "I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now, don't ask me about it anymore!"

Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get dinner in a nearby town. As he was leaving, Grandfather's dog started to growl and would not let him pass. "Grandfather, your dog won't let me out!" he pleaded.

Without diverting his attention from the football game his Grandfather was watching, he shouted........

"COLD WATER, GET YOUR BUTT OUT OF THE WAY!"

[Battery Powered]

Thats nice LWHiway

I got another one for you all:


Little Johnny comes home from Catholic school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"

"But Dad," said Johnny, "It wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress stuck in the crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!"

"Johnny", the father said, "You don't do those kind of things to women! Just leave it alone!"

Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk about this!"

"But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out. But now I know she doesn't like that, so I pushed it back in!"

[mrjohnsonjr]

> Stop Sign...
>
> A local police officer was "sitting" at a stop sign, watched a man
> roll through the intersection without stopping.
>
> The officer pulled the guy over and requested to see the driver's
> license and registration.
>
> "But officer, why'd you stop me?" the incredulous fellow asked.
>
> "That's a Stop Sign back there buddy," the officer answered. "You
> didn't come to a full stop."
>
> "But I DID slow down," replied the driver.
>
> "But you didn't STOP -- it's a stop sign," the officer insisted.
>
> "But I DID slow down," the driver stubbornly argued.
>
> "But it's not a 'slow down' sign ... it's a STOP sign," argued back
> the officer.
>
> After going back and forth with this several times, the officer
became
> agitated, grabbed the driver by the neck and dragged him out through
> the open window. He then began to smack him back and forth across
the
> face...
>
> After several solid whacks, the officer politely asked, "So tell me,
> do you want me to Stop, or do you want me to Slow Down?"

[SARGE]

In a recent Harris On-line poll 38,562 men across the US were asked to identify a woman's ultimate fantasy. 97.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once.

While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning

[LWHiway]

An alterboys nightmare for sure.


The following is an actual ad placed.



"SINGLE BLACK FEMALE... Seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy." Over 150 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society about an 8-week-old black LABRADOR retriever

[JMERRIFE]

Guy goes inna bar, places $100 bucks down, says to the other
patron there,
" Hunnert bucks says I can bite my right eye."
Raising an eyebrow, the other guy says, "Your'e on!"
First guy pops out his glass eye and holds it in his teeth, grinning.
Obviously, 'loser' feels like a total idiot.
"Man! I shoulda KNOWN!"
"O.K.",says the first guy, " ...a chance to win yer money back.
Double -or-nothing - - I can bite my left eye."
Hmm... thinking , well, he can't have TWO glass eyes,...... "O.K.!
says 'loser'. "You're on!"
At which point the first guy
pops
out
his
...dentures........ :P

[Kubie]

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen
you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

"What do you mean? I'm fine."

"What about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "we were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball
hit my leg, but the Doc fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Oh yeah? Well, what about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had
both hands."

"Well, we were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was
in a sword fight and my hand was cut off, but the Doc fixed me up with the
hook, and I feel great, really."

"Oh," said the bartender, "what about that eye patch? The last
time you were in here you had both eyes."

"One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I
looked up and one of them pooped in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't have lost an eye
just from some bird poop!"

"It was my first day with the hook."

[Battery Powered]

Smart Pills

As most young, weak and smart kids are, Ken was picked on constantly by the bullies in school. They stole his lunch, beat him up and just downright made his life miserable. It took him a couple of weeks to find a way to get back at these bullies and when he found out what would get them back, he went all out.
He was on the bus where he normally got his lunch stolen when he brought out a bottle with small brown balls in it. After discreetly getting some milk duds from his pocket, he then put the candy in his mouth and began making 'mmm... yum!' type sounds loud enough for the other kids to hear.

The bus bully then snatched the jar from Ken's hand and asked 'What's in the bottle that you are making such a big deal of?'

'Well, they're smart pills,' Ken replied.

'Smart pills?' the bully sneered. He opened the jar and popped a couple of the foreign brown balls in his mouth.

'Pweeuuweppblahhh!' he reacted. 'What is this stuff? It tastes like rabbit poop!!!'

Ken smiled. 'See, you're getting smarter already!'

[bo kingdon]

Why did the German cross the road?

[bo kingdon]

I dont know why Did The german cross teh road??? Do YOU KNOW???? Or should i say do you have curage to answer¬!

[Battery Powered]

Ok no racial jokes (although Bo Kingdon is German himself) but we dont want anyone dis-liking this post,

To get the ball rolling once more:


Valentines

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.

His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

[Kassia]

Dear Family and Friends:

One of you sent me a very aggressive virus recently which adversely affected my mouse.

I've taken a picture of the damages to show you...

Now......which one of you did this????

[Kassia]

Are you tired of all those mushy "friendship"
poems that always sound good but never actually
come close to reality? Well, here is a
"friendship" poem that really speaks to true
friendship and truth itself!

Friend,

When you are sad,... I will get you drunk and
help you plot revenge against the sorry ba$tard
who made you sad.

When you are blue,...I'll try to dislodge
whatever is choking you.

When you smile,...I'll know you finally got laid.

When you are scared,...I will rag you about it
every chance I get.

When you are worried,...I will tell you horrible
stories about how much worse it could be and to
quit whining.

When you are confused,...I will use little words
to explain it to your dumb a$$.

When you are sick,...stay away from me until
you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall,...I will point and laugh at your
clumsy a$$.

This is my oath, ...I pledge 'til the end. Why you
may ask? Because you're my friend!

[mairving]

This old lady goes to the doctor complaining of bad gas. She tells the doctor that it is bad but her farts are silent and don't smell. The doctor examines her, gives her some pills and tells her to come back next week.
She comes in the following week and tells the doctor "Doctor, I don't know what you did but my farts are still silent but boy do they smell". He then tells her "Okay, now that we've got your sinuses cleared up, we will work on your hearing".

---

Three couples die and are waiting at the gates of heaven.

The first couple comes up. St. Peter says to the man "Why your whole life was spent in pursuit of money. Money became your god. Why look you even married a girl named Penny. Go on and get out of here".

The second couple comes up. St. Peter says to the man "Why your life was spent drinking and getting drunk. Look you even married a girl named Brandy. Go on and get out of here".

The next couple sees all of this. The man turns to his wife and says "Things don't look too good for us. Come on, Fanny, let's get out of here".

[mairving]

A rich old man is on his deathbed. He calls in his lawyer and his doctor. He asks for the doctor to stand on one side of him and the lawyer on the other side of him. When asked what he is doing, he says "That I want to die like Christ did, between two thieves".