Computer Joke with customers

[RainMaker]

(1) Compaq is considering changing the command "prees any key"To"Return key" because of the flood of all calls asking where the "Any" key is.

(2) AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse wa hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the pastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

(3) Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of troubleshooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen-and hitting the,"send"key.

(4) Yet another, Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up is tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, thenremoving all the keys and washing them individually.

(5) A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and invalid. " The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and"invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.


(6) A confused caller to IBM was having trouble printing documents. He told the technician that the computer has it could not find printer." The user had aslo tried turning the computer screen to face the printer-but that his computer still couldn't "see" the printer

(7) An Exasperated caller to Dell computer Tech support couldn't get her new dell computer to turn on . After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happen when she pushed the power button. Her reponse,"I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happen."The"foot pedal" turned outto be the computer's mouse.

(8) Another custom called Compaq tech support to say her brand new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in. When asked what happen when she pressed the power switch, she asked,"what the power swich?"

(9) Another IBM customer had trouble installing software and rang for support. "I put in the first disk, and that was ok. It said to put in the second disk, and had problems with the disk. When it said to put in the third disk, i couldn't even fit it in...." The user hadn't realized that " insert disk 2" implied to-remove Disk 1 first.

(10) A story from a Novell NetWire Sysop:
called: hello, isthis Tech support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may i help you?"
Callera; :the cup holder on my PC is broken-and i am within my warranty period. How do i go about getting that fix?"
Tech: "i'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes it's attached to the front of my p computer."
Tech: " Please excuse me. If i seam a bit stumped, it's because i am. Did you receive this as a part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Dose it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point, the tech rep has to mute the caller because he ccouldn't stant it. He was pissing his head that hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD_ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.

(11) A woman call the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under windows." The woman reponded,"No, my desk is next to the door. But thats is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window and his printer is working fine."

(12) And last but not Least:

Tech support:"O.k. Bob lets press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the program Manager."
Custer: "I don't have to 'P'''.
tech support:" on your keyboard, Bob
Customers: "what do you mean?"
Tech support: '''P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customers "I'm not bloody doing that!"

[Spyda]

i had someone asking me why his computer wouldnt load his paintshop pro program cos he needed it for his graphics course.
I found the problem, that a DLL was missing, I told him this and he said i was lying, I told him that was the problem and its a bugger to fix, and he says, I thought you were good at this stuff! You can plainly see my computer is a Packard Bell, there shouldnt be any Dell files on it in the first place!!

had me in stitches that

[Spyda]

Originally posted by RainMaker (5) A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and invalid. " The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and"invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.

*falls off chair*

LOOOOL

[RainMaker]

It's funny thu because when ppl buy their first computer and ppl don't no what they are doing, you get very dumb questions. I think when ppl buy there first computer they should go and do cert 1 befor they buy all start looking at one. whats your foughts on this one.

[cyberchicken]

Wow that was really funny, I can not stop Laughing at those.Hehe. RainMaker were did you get those at, those are really good ones, hehe!!!!!
Yes i think you may be right on that one, RainMaker, People who do not know anything about a computer need to do reseach and watch others too.
I remeber when i was dumb too, had to watch my pearents at them, hehe. But i know now what one is, I am just about to build one soon, hehe. But still got lots to learn!!!!

[DrZaius]

(4) Yet another, Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up is tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, thenremoving all the keys and washing them individually.

This actually works, especially with a dishwasher. Just make sure to let the keyboard dry completely for a few days.

[Tuf]

I get a hoot out of people that are just computer literate enough to have heard of spyware and are concerned that their coputer may be watching them. I heard a story of a couple that wouldn't even speak to each other in the same room that the computer was in because of their paranoia.

[RainMaker]

Keep it coming and i will put somethink together soon.

[Sumdumgi]

Those are good!
Next time a customer has a problem and they ask you what it is tell them its the ID 10 T error, when they ask, "what?" tell them to write it down on a piece of paper and study it.

PS: If you dont get it, I suggest you write it down and study it.

[HAL9000]

I do believe the majority of those to be urban myth, especially the cup holder one cuz everyone has a friend of a friend that did that.

If you really want to have some computer fun, open some windows randomly on the screen. Arrange them so desktop icons can still be seen. Take a snapshot of the screen, save it as a bitmap, then set it as a wallpaper. Now the fun part. remove all icons from the desktop that you can remove, this will leave you with "My Computer, Network Neighbourhood, and Recycling Bin"... carefully position these icons over top of the ones in the wallpaper.

Now sit back and have some fun watching people try to close the stubborn windows that just wont close... watch them reboot over and over... watch them use CTR-ALT-DEL to shut these tasks down only to find, they aren't running to begin with... get ready to run fast when they see you laughing your head off at them.

[Panama Red]

Hal, you are EVIL!

[hobey19]

that is great hal, i have done that as well. i am a senior in hs and i did that to the computers used for the school website. the teacher and students could not figure it out. the best is when you disable right click as well. that will have people going for awhile

craig

[bigandy]

That is great HAL. I have to do that to somebody.

[TwoRails]

The foot pedal one was pretty funny (as were the rest) as it reminded me of a system I set up for an elderly relative. Her first question was, "which thingy is the mouse?"

[enhanced08]

AH HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was funny!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!

[bigandy]

That's funny TwoRails. The thing with older people, is that some of them are really into computers and have a good understanding, and others haven't got the foggiest idea. For example, my Great-Uncle, in his mid-Seventies, is good with computers, and is very up-to-date with all electronics for that matter, he has replaced and uprgaded his PC many times. While my Grandmother is one of those people who wouldn't know a motherboard from a mouse.

[TwoRails]

I hear ya, bigandy. The lady mentioned above isn't quite 60 yet, but my friend/client who is almost 84 is pretty sharp (all things considered) on his computer.

[oddjob]

Originally posted by HAL9000 If you really want to have some computer fun, open some windows randomly on the screen. Arrange them so desktop icons can still be seen. Take a snapshot of the screen, save it as a bitmap, then set it as a wallpaper. Now the fun part. remove all icons from the desktop that you can remove, this will leave you with "My Computer, Network Neighbourhood, and Recycling Bin"... carefully position these icons over top of the ones in the wallpaper. Now sit back and have some fun watching people try to close the stubborn windows that just wont close... watch them reboot over and over... watch them use CTR-ALT-DEL to shut these tasks down only to find, they aren't running to begin with... get ready to run fast when they see you laughing your head off at them.

ROFLMAO!!! I think I'm going to go to my local "big box" electronics retailer and do that to their display computers!

[Force Flow]

Originally posted by HAL9000 I do believe the majority of those to be urban myth, especially the cup holder one cuz everyone has a friend of a friend that did that. If you really want to have some computer fun, open some windows randomly on the screen. Arrange them so desktop icons can still be seen. Take a snapshot of the screen, save it as a bitmap, then set it as a wallpaper. Now the fun part. remove all icons from the desktop that you can remove, this will leave you with "My Computer, Network Neighbourhood, and Recycling Bin"... carefully position these icons over top of the ones in the wallpaper. Now sit back and have some fun watching people try to close the stubborn windows that just wont close... watch them reboot over and over... watch them use CTR-ALT-DEL to shut these tasks down only to find, they aren't running to begin with... get ready to run fast when they see you laughing your head off at them.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

That's good, Hal. Sounds like a neat thing to try

[Hey_Mr._Jack]

now how would i go about taking a screenshot?

[Force Flow]

Hit the "print scrn" key on your keyboard and paste the captured image in a graphics program.

[bailey]

just hit print screen.
open paint
edit, paste
save as bitmap
move file to windoes

[DragonNOA1]

What always gets me is when you talk to someone who "knows" about computers and you ask them how much memory they have and respond with 100GB. That must be some computer! And then you try to explain that he is talking about HD space and he says no, thats how big my ROM is, if you want RAM you have to say so. He then added that memory wasn't RAM duh!.... all I did was shake my head (it just happened today).

[pillainp]

http://www.techtales.com/

[Statica]

The funniest computer gag I've ever seen was during the days before IM's - when IRC used to be king. Worked best when there were a lot of people on a "channel" and inevitably someone would quip in with "Press Alt+F4 to read joke of the day" or some such must-have situation. Sure enough, the next thing you saw was the status window getting flooded with reports of Quit messages as people dropped out en masse.

[bigandy]

These techtales are cracking me up, thanks pillainp

[Penguin]

Try here.

These are all there plus a bunch more.

[BearEater]

Originally posted by HAL9000 I do believe the majority of those to be urban myth, especially the cup holder one cuz everyone has a friend of a friend that did that. If you really want to have some computer fun, open some windows randomly on the screen. Arrange them so desktop icons can still be seen. Take a snapshot of the screen, save it as a bitmap, then set it as a wallpaper. Now the fun part. remove all icons from the desktop that you can remove, this will leave you with "My Computer, Network Neighbourhood, and Recycling Bin"... carefully position these icons over top of the ones in the wallpaper. Now sit back and have some fun watching people try to close the stubborn windows that just wont close... watch them reboot over and over... watch them use CTR-ALT-DEL to shut these tasks down only to find, they aren't running to begin with... get ready to run fast when they see you laughing your head off at them.

dont forget to cut out the START buttom taskbar. nice idea though

[mairving]

Some other tricks that can be fun too:
-Installing a wireless mouse unknowingly on someone's computer. When they start using it start moving the cordless mouse. Can be fun.
-Changing the mouse orientation so that when they move it left it goes right can be fun too.
-Install Random Burper on their computer. It makes random burping noises every minute or so at full volume.
-Popup Prank - you can make your own popups on a buddies computer with his picture on it.

[Sumdumgi]

I was playing an online game with a bunch of people a few years ago before w2k or xp and had a guy ask how to drive a tank in a game you cant drive the vehicles in. I told him to run up to the tank and press ctl, alt, del, twice. He dissapeared after that, then came back on the game and @#!&*^& me out! We all had a good laugh though.