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03-12-2003, 09:41 AM
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#1 |
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Resident AMD enthusiast
Join Date: Jul 2001
Location: Kansas
Posts: 1,445
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Lawyers
A joke my Dad, a lawyer himslef, sent to me.
Sorry Ron.  Lawyers In a trial, in a small SC town, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, on the Bible, so help her God. The witness was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the grandmother type, well-spoken and poised. The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the sense to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster. Yes, I know you quite well." The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few moments. Then, he slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces, not to mention the court reporter who documented every word. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a bad drinking problem. The man can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps thundered throughout the court room and the audience was on the verge of chaos. At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you crooked ******** asks her if she knows me, you'll be thrown in jail for contempt." Logan
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Main: Gigabyte GA-770T USB3 - Phenom II 840 - 4GB DDR3 - Radeon 5750 1GB HTPC: MSI K9N6PGM2-V2 - Athlon II 250 - 4GB DDR2 - Radeon 5670 512MB HTPC: Zotac GeForce 6100E-E - Athlon X2 5800+ - 4GB DDR2 "Play a Windows CD backwards and you'll hear satanic voices, thats nothing, play it forwards and it installs Windows." |
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03-12-2003, 09:50 AM
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#2 |
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The Gavel
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 6,311
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Don't laugh folks; that happened to me in court once.
(just kidding )Very funny though; most Lawyers love Lawyer jokes.
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"To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves" |
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03-12-2003, 09:51 AM
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#3 |
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Member (12 bit)
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Central Arkansas
Posts: 2,170
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LOL!!
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Roger "Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius |
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03-12-2003, 10:03 AM
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#4 |
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Red-eyed Moderator
Staff
Premium Member
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 17,525
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Ron... I'm confused.... I hurt your feelings and made you cry with a lawyer joke
 (j/k)
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-At Ford, quality is job #1, job #2 is making them explode. ~Norm MacDonald, SNL News -Switching to Glide..Balancing in my head..inside of me... taking the glide path instead. |
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03-12-2003, 10:05 AM
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#5 |
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The Gavel
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 6,311
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Hal,
YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THAT! Sob, sob, sob,
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03-12-2003, 05:18 PM
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#6 |
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Member (12 bit)
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 3,261
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LMAO
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