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03-30-2003, 06:42 PM
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#1 |
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Member (7 bit)
Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: Indianapolis, Indiana
Posts: 68
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'time-traveler' Busted For Insider Trading
NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!
Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28. "We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider. "But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck. "The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources." The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs. "If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation. When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession. Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune. "It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment." In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS. All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft." However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands." Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002." Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments. Source: http://tv.yahoo.com/news/wwn/20030319/104808600007.html ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I just need to go back a couple years to remind myself to sell my Enron stock and I would be happy 
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03-30-2003, 06:48 PM
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#2 |
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Member (9 bit)
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Michigan
Posts: 487
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That's the craziest story i've ever heard
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03-30-2003, 07:25 PM
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#3 |
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Member (10 bit)
Premium Member
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Burb of Detroit, Mi
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Well, if he's from the future, he should be able to tell who won the NCCA tourment, NBA Championship and the NHL Stanley Cup, plus giving most of the exact scores.
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03-30-2003, 07:42 PM
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#4 |
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Member (10 bit)
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Brookline MA USA
Posts: 551
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well if hes from over 200 years in the future i doubt NCAA championship 2003 is that important, it is a crazy freaky story.
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03-30-2003, 08:02 PM
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#5 |
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Member (10 bit)
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: University of California, Santa Barbara
Posts: 800
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$800 into $350 million
 That would have to be some incredible insider info to get such a huge gain. His investment is worth 437500 times what he started with! It's an intriguing story, I wonder how it will turn out. |
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03-30-2003, 08:31 PM
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#6 |
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Member (10 bit)
Premium Member
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Burb of Detroit, Mi
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He's probably a hacker, who knows how to hack into the NYSE exchange.
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03-30-2003, 08:32 PM
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#7 | |
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Member (12 bit)
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: MN or WI
Posts: 3,017
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Re: 'time-traveler' Busted For Insider Trading
Quote:
__________________
Paul M. Victorey ------------------ I am not responsible for any problems that may arise as a result of following my advice. This includes, but is not limited to, computer failure, loss of data, nuclear war, famine, boils, no clean laundry, your daughter running off with a biker gang, or armageddon. Take my advice at your own risk. |
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03-30-2003, 08:50 PM
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#8 |
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Member (10 bit)
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Ottawa, Canada
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We'll probably find the truth behind this story on tuesday the 1st of april since it was ONLY posted on Yahoo, no other major publication ran a story on it or any news outfit as a matter of fact.
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03-30-2003, 08:58 PM
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#9 |
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Member (10 bit)
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: University of California, Santa Barbara
Posts: 800
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Good point Propaine, I should have thought of that since I just read an article on famous April Fools jokes.
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03-30-2003, 09:41 PM
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#10 |
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Member (10 bit)
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Brookline MA USA
Posts: 551
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hey matt wanna give us a lik to those??
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03-30-2003, 09:45 PM
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#11 |
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Barefoot on the Moon!
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Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 13,805
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Good story.
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There are two secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day, and you have to have a dream.
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03-30-2003, 10:36 PM
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#12 | |
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Member (10 bit)
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: University of California, Santa Barbara
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Quote:
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03-30-2003, 11:11 PM
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#13 | |
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Member (12 bit)
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: MN or WI
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Quote:
WWN has some articles online at a site affiliated w/ Yahoo. |
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03-31-2003, 12:01 AM
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#14 |
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Member (10 bit)
Premium Member
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Burb of Detroit, Mi
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plus if you notice the article is in the "Entertainment & Gossip" section
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03-31-2003, 07:38 PM
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#15 |
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Live for the moment
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,940
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so essentially he came back in time to make money off of a war, and a grief stricken economy...fry the bastard!
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Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Sir Winston Churchill |
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03-31-2003, 09:29 PM
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#16 | |
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Barefoot on the Moon!
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Premium Member
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Northeastern USA
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Quote:
Missed that one. 
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03-31-2003, 11:23 PM
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#17 |
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Member (10 bit)
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: Random
Posts: 997
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You know, I did the samething not too long ago. I figured I would hop into my way-back machine to make some bucks. Everyone always said the twenties were roaring, so I figured I would go to 1929 and catch the tail end of said roaring where things must really be doing well.
Needless to say, I must have slept through that part of history class and ended up losing a lot of money (it was called the Great Depression for all you confused people out there who must have slept through the same history class). That was the end of the way-back machine for me; I am glad he had more success than I. Respectfully, Demosthenes |
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