DSL Tech Support (how I love thee)

[SARGE]

Where does one start? DSL quit at the house, the "Ex" calls me at my apt to ask why. I'm thinking uh-oh, mine was connected today so maybe they shut hers off since both in same name but different locales. She called "support" and though the other party had limited English, started telling the Ex to access the router and verify userid, etc. Not knowing what a router is generated a conference call with me. I'd forgotten the password. "Tech support" lady said she had a meeting to go to and hung up . From here I accessed http://sbc.yahoo.com and tried the Ex's userid and pw - said userid doesn't exist.
This a.m. I called billing and "support" again and was assured account active. However they had "dial-up" failures in Dallas area so that's why DSL wasn't working. Huh? Was told to consider reinstalling Windows 98. I'd laughed long enough so offered them my own analysis. Had them go to the "pool" and try using the Ex's userid and pw. for I knew it would fail for them as well. It did fail. DUH!! Was told again to unplug router and use their software and still reinstall Win98. WHAT?

I then gave them a hint - I'll re-register from my remote location for that account; that did the trick w/o reinstalling Win98, their software or fooling with router. Back in business in 3 minutes.

[Mr N8]

That's amazing...I've notice with SBC's push for better CS, they've given me the same horrible information, with a friendlier attitude.

They actually told my boss that our P2P T1's were not working, because there are squirrels on the line.

[Surge1243]

I won't even get into the nightmare I went through with Earthlink DSL tech support when initially signing up. Needless to say, from ordering to actual service...around 5 months, yet they kept insisting it must be my non-existent alarm system that was causing interference!

[Redo40]

I am constantly going behind Centurytel's support and solving problems they just can't seem to figure out. I don't know if it's a lack of training or they just don't care.

[Boone]

This must be a problem that spans the broadband tech support community. My cable modem would not come online because it couldn't get an upstream connection. I called Comcast and they said that there was a problem with my modem and that it needed to be replaced. I went ahead and spent $70 on a new modem and guess what? The problem was still there.

The tech that I talked to that day was sure that I just needed to register my new modem with them online. (How I was going to do that without an upstream connection I do not know.) Once that didn't work, he declared that my modem needed a firmware update. This was something that I needed to download from Motorola. (HOW?) He gave me the number for Motorola and assured me that they would be able to help. I'm not even going to go into all of the stupid stuff that I humored him through before he said that the problem was firmware.

Well, I called Motorola and after they got my vitals and found out that Comcast told me to call, the guy actually laughed. He said that firmware was something Comcast needed to provide. (WHAT?)

By this point I was too upset for words. I finally called Comcast back and insisted that someone needed to come out and check my connection. The craziest thing of all is that the next morning my connection was fine and has been better than ever since then. I made sure to take my shiny new modem back and trade it in for some DVDs.

[glc]

I just received this in my e-mail:

Subject: A Splendid British Letter of Complaint

What follows is a superb example of British humor in A LETTER THAT WAS TRULY
WRITTEN AND SENT. The piece suggests two things:

1) Americans and Canadians are not the only ones who get poor service from their
ISP, cable and/or alarm companies. (N.B. NTL is a cable operator in Britain.)
and 2) The Brits probably write the world's best letters of complaint.


Dear Cretins:

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for your
four-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, telephone, and alarm monitoring.
During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of service which I
had not previously considered possible, as well as ignorance and stupidity of
monolithic proportions.

Please allow me to provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your
professional prerogative and seek to rectify these difficulties -- or more
likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining reading material as
you while away the working day smoking B&H and drinking vendor-coffee on the bog
in your office.

My initial installation was canceled without warning, resulting in my spending
an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for your technician to arrive.
When he did not arrive, I spent a further 57 minutes listening to your
infuriating hold music, and the even more annoying Scottish robot woman telling
me to look at your helpful website. HOW?

I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles for a few minutes -- an
activity at which you are no doubt both familiar and highly adept.

The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later, although the
technician did forget to bring a number of vital tools -- such as a drill-bit,
and his cerebrum.

Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15
telephone calls over four weeks my modem arrived, six weeks after I had
requested it -- and begun to pay for it. I estimate your Internet server's
downtime is roughly 35% -- the hours between about 6 PM and midnight, Monday
through Friday, and most of the weekend. I am still waiting for my telephone
connection.

I have made nine calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have been
unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested individuals who are, it
seems, also highly skilled bollock jugglers. I have been informed that a
telephone line is available (and someone will call me back); that I will be
transferred to someone who knows whether or not a telephone line is available
(and then been cut off); that I will be transferred to someone (and then been
redirected to an answering machine informing me that your office is closed);
that I will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the irritating
Scottish robot woman. And several other variations on this theme.

Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least a thousand
other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another one of those crucially
important testicle moments to attend to.

Frankly I don't care. It's far more satisfying as a customer to voice my
frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold music.

Forgive me, therefore, if I continue. I thought British Telecom was ****; that
they had attained the holy piss-pot of god-awful customer relations; and that no
one, anywhere, ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more
obstructive to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL,
and because, well, there isn't anyone else is there?

How surprised I therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable
dissatisfaction and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly
are. You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the
highest order.

BT -- wankers though they are -- shine like brilliant beacons of success in the
filthy mire of your seemingly limitless inadequacy.

Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy quest to
receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you cease any potential
future attempts to extort payment from me for the services which you have so
pointedly and catastrophically failed to deliver. Any such activity will be
greeted initially with hilarity and disbelief and will quickly be replaced by
derision, and even perhaps bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cat's litter
tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for both you and your
pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have not become desiccated during
transit -- they were satisfyingly moist at the time of posting, and I would feel
considerable disappointment if you did not experience both their rich aroma and
delicate texture. Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL,
and its worthless employees.

Have a nice day. May it be the last in your miserable short lives, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twits.

[bailey]

now that was funny
LOL

[SARGE]

And the preacher said, "AMEN".

[Boone]

And I thought I was upset.

[pam123]

That was funny!!!!!

[bailey]

I might make that a template for word

[GSXdan]

You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the highest order.

LMAO that is a great line.

[GaryRouth]

. . . the tears are still running down my face, I can't hardly see the monitor anymore.... if I don't stop laughing soon I'm going to short the keyboard!
. . . Gary

[SARGE]

Yes, once the problem(s) are solved they present a good laugh. I always try to maintain a sense of humor when dealing with a problem but it sure can get frustrating as we all know.