12 Pains of Christmas

[thesexytater]

The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Angry husband:
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Man getting over being drunk:
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Exhausted man:
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Nervous wife:
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Oh, I hate those Christmas cards!
Hangovers
Rigging up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Nervous wife's husband:
The Salvation Army
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez!
I'm tryin' to rig up these lights!
And finding a Christmas tree

The eighth thing at Christmas that such a pain to me:
Whining kid:
I WANNA TRANSFORMER FOR CHRISTMAS!!!!
Charities,
And whataya mean "YOUR in-laws"?!?
Five months of bills!
Oh, making out these cards
Honey, get me a beer, huh?
What, we have no extension cords?!?
And finding a Christmas tree

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
A tired father:
Finding parking spaces
DADDY, I WANT SOME CANDY!!!!
Donations!
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills!
Writing out those Christmas cards
Hangovers!
Now why the hell are they blinking?!?!?
And finding a Christmas tree

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me:
A mother:
"Batteries Not Included"
No parking spaces
BUY ME SOMETHIN'!!!
Get a job, ya bum!
Oh, facing my in-laws!
Five months of bills!
Yo-ho, sending Christmas cards
Oh, geez, look at this!
One light goes out, they ALL go out!!!
And finding a Christmas tree

The eleventh thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:
A male couch potato:
Stale TV specials
"Batteries Not Included"
No parking spaces
DAD, I GOTTA GO TA BATHROOM!!
Charities!
She's a witch...I hate her!
Five months of bills!
Oh, I don't even KNOW half these people!
Oh, who's got the toilet paper, huh?
Get a flashlight...I blew a fuse!!
And finding a Christmas tree

The twelfth thing of Christmas that's such a pain to me:
Two men:
Singing Christmas carols
Stale TV specials
"Batteries Not Included"
No parking?!?
WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAH!
Charities!
Gotta make 'em dinner!
Five months of bills!
I'm not sendin' them this year, that's it!
Shut up, you!
FINE! YOU'RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THE LIGHTS!!!
And finding a Christmas tree

[rjfvillarosa]

I know it's old but it made me chuckle

[fleeingpepper]

Haha, yes! I love that song

[Kasturi]

Heres my fav


Bob: Okay. On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: a beer.

Doug: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: two turtlenecks,

Bob: And a beer. (Okay...) On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French toast,

Doug: Two turtlenecks,

Bob: And a beer. (Okay...)

Doug: There should be more there, eh?

Bob: Where? On the... go.

Doug: Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: four pounds of backbacon,

Bob: Three French toast,

Doug: Two turtlenecks,

Bob: And a beer.

Doug: In a tree. See, you need more.

Bob: Fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: five golden touques!

Doug: Four pounds of backbacon,

Bob: Three French toast,

Doug Two turtlenecks,

Bob: And a beer, what was it?

Together: In a tree!

Bob: Okay, on the sixth... go.

Doug: Of Christmas, my true love gave to me: six packs of Tuborg,

Bob: & BG Singers Five golden touques!

Doug: Four pounds of backbacon,

Bob: Three French toast,

Doug: Two turtlenecks,

Bob: And a beer,

Together: In a tree!

Bob: Okay.

Doug: Okay.

Bob: On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: seven packs of smokes,

Doug: (Nice gift...) Oh, six packs of Tuborg!

Bob & BG Singers: Five golden touques!

Doug: Four pounds of backbacon,

Bob: Three French toast,

Doug: Two turtlenecks,

Bob: And a beer,

Together: In a tree!

Bob: Right, I keep forgetting.

Doug: Phew! This should just be the two days of Christmas, it's too hard for us!

Bob: Um...

Doug: Go, hoser.

Bob: Oh.

Together: Eigth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Doug: Eight comic books,

All: Seven packs of smokes, six packs of Tuborg,

BG Singers: Five golden touques! Four pounds of backbacon, three French toast, two turtlenecks,

All: And a beer,

Doug: On my tree!

Bob: Yeah. That beer's empty. Okay. Day,

BG Singers: Twelve!

Bob: Uh, twelve.

Doug: Good day, and welcome to day twelve.

BG Singers: Five golden touques!

All: Four pounds of backbacon, three French toast, two turtlenecks, and a beer, in a tree!

Bob: Beauty, eh?

Doug: Where'd you learn to do that?

Bob: Uh, albums.

Doug: Boy. So, like, that's our song, Merry Christmas...

Bob: Merry Christmas!

Doug: And good day!

Bob: Good day, everybody. Happy New Year, too. Sheesh. Okay, you know what you left out?

Doug: What?

Bob: Donuts - I told you to get me donuts! Either on the ninth day or the tenth day, or the eleventh day, I wanted donuts!

Doug: Okay, the song's over.

Bob: But I want...

Doug: Merry Christmas, everybody!

Bob: Or on the twelfth day, you coulda got me a dozen donuts.

Doug: So, go out to the stores, and get some presents.

Bob: You coulda gone down to, like, the good donut shop, where if you buy a dozen, you get another one free, and then thirteen for the thirteen days of Christmas.

Doug: Well, next Christmas, I'll get me a chainsaw...

Bob: Take off!

Doug: Boy, that song was a beauty. It moved me...

Bob: Yeah, I think it ranks up there with Stairway to Heaven...

Doug: Wha-?

[David M]

The Twelve Days always makes me feel better.....when it's over.