Received in today's e-mail from the UK

[glc]

You may like to read this which is doing the rounds of UK email at the
moment concerning your elections. :-

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your
failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves,
we
hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective
today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over
all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she
does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP
for
the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the
need
for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A
questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
you
noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules
are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then
look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed
at
just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should
raise
your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary".

Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such
as
"like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know
on
your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It
really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen",
but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get
confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind
of
football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
game.
The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
borders
may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.

You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is
a
difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to
play
rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve
stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
armour
like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
side by 2005.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde. The 98.85% of you who were not aware that there
is
a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for
"sh1t".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new
national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive
Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for
your
own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your co-operation

[Kubie]

Good one, glc!!
Does that mean I have to bow to the queen?
Carl

[troysvihl]

Do I have to start spelling color with a u?

[clydefo]

glc,
We’ll go along with the new plan as long as we don’t have to use the Metric system. Re: #10, JFK was killed by the Mafia with the help of FBI director J. Edgar Hoover.

[StuartW]

I love it - but then I suppose I am biased.

[glc]

carl - I think I would rather bow down to her if the only other choice was to kiss her @$$.

[StuartW]

glc. You don't have to do either - you only have to show the same respect you would any other head of state, including your own President.
btw. The Queen holds regular garden parties in Buckingham Palace, where 'ordinary' people can get to meet her on a social basis. This is possible because the fear of an assasination attempt is a great deal less than in a republic.

[troysvihl]

>>This is possible because the fear of an assasination attempt is a great deal less than in a republic.<<

I doubt it has anything to do with it being a republic/monarchy/ or any other form of government. I'm sure there's more than one or two people in Ireland that would like to knock her off. I'm sure any people having tea are pretty well screened.

[StuartW]

Possibly; but members of the royal family often go for 'walkabouts', meeting and shaking hands with members of the public. The only protection they have is a detective walking a few paces behind.I am sure Northern Ireland terrorists realise an assination attempt would shock the world, and destroy any support they have.

[troysvihl]

Really? I'm surprised b/c I doubt any donors to the IRA cause would shed a single tear if a royal family member was assasinated. If anything, the donors might give more since they would see their money in action.

I don't sympathize with the IRA b/c I think their a bunch of cowards, but that's how I see it.

[StuartW]

Of course the donors (mainly Irish Americans) would love such assasinations; but what I was refering to was world opinion. It should be remembered that Northern Ireland is populated by British citizens. Should a member of the Royal Family be assasinated, the British Government would be under intense pressure to move huge numbers of troops into N.I; which of course the IRA do not want as at present they rule by fear, slipping across the border into Southern Ireland for refuge.