Writing a weekly column for PCmech not only keeps me in the industry loop, it provides a fair amount of email from people I’ve never met. While a lot of readers want to discuss mundane issues like online computer sellers and PCs with smoke coming out of them, the majority of letters in my In Box deal with one issue: working at Microsoft.

This fascination with the company doubtless stems from an article I wrote some weeks ago titled Myths About Working At Microsoft. Because the article was presented in a somewhat whimsical manner, some readers took it as an extension of literary license — entertaining but inaccurate. “Level with us,” they say. “What’s it really like?” I get this question more than any other.
 
In response, I do my best to convince them that it’s all true, and that, having spent many years competing with Microsoft, I now try to contribute to its success. This effort is only enhanced by the constant memory of where I came from. That is, laboring for various software companies which, though well intentioned, produced products that not only did nothing to break Microsoft’s chokehold on the industry, but in the end looked about as disjointed as Charles Barkley’s golf swing.

Microsoft was doing it right, and getting paid for it. Occasionally, I’d ask my rich Microsoft friends how the company remained at the top, and invariably they’d attribute it to two factors: 1) Bill Gates; and 2) everybody else.

Now that I’ve worked in the company for a few years and have seen for myself how things are run, I think that answer is still accurate. Bill figures out where the company needs to go, and then hires talented people to carry out his directions. Sure, every once in awhile a few idiots slip through the doors (witness my “full-time employee” status), but we do our best not to hinder the smart people from getting the real work done.

Which leads me to the second most-asked question: How can I get a job at Microsoft? Answer: I don’t know.

Please don’t take this the wrong way, because it’s nothing personal against you. I can explain how to run a job query on the Microsoft.com website, and I know how to submit a resume, but I don’t know how you can come to work at Microsoft. How can I be so certain? I’ve tried to get six different friends hired. Six. Want to take a guess on how many made it? Right the first time.

These were smart people. Good recruits. Tailor made for Microsoft, or so I thought, and none of them got through. Three even made it all the way to Redmond for onsite interviews. They were here, in the doors, practically measuring for office space. But at the last minute, the hiring managers decided against them, and I’m telling you it’s been pretty frustrating.

I’ve narrowed the problem down to a glaring failure on my part: finding the right fit for a prospective employee. You’d think it would be easy to match a person’s skills and experience to a single job, but it isn’t. In fact, it’s downright difficult. Like that time my wife sent me to the store for chocolate chips. Simple task, right? I’ve been eating chocolate chips my whole life. No need to explain it to me, I know what a chocolate chip looks like, thank you. Then I get to the store and find a whole wall covered with different kinds of chocolate chips. Where did these things come from? Isn’t there one that just says “the regular kind” on it? What am I supposed to bring home? (”Semi-sweet”? I don’t like the sound of that…)

So even though I sound like a two-sided record, I’m really just doing my best to be honest about it. Yes, Microsoft is a great place to work. I’ve got 50,000 people and one of the lowest turnover rates in the country to back me up on that. But as for getting a job here, you’re better off bypassing me and going straight to Microsoft.com yourself. Run the query, find the job, submit your resume. At least then you’ll have a fighting chance.