This column is coming to you straight from Microsoft Notepad. Normally I type in Word, but I’m visiting my parents this week and they don’t have Word. In fact, they don’t have any word processing programs other than the one that Windows gives you for free: Notepad.

There’s a simple explanation. My parents have accepted PC technology without embracing it. Like many people, they ignored home computers for a long time — fifteen years or more — before they finally broke down and got one in the mid 1990s. (I think my brother gave them his old one.) They weren’t wild about it at first, but when they found out how using email could save them a ton of postage, they became quick converts. Since then, they’ve slowly added items to their repertoire — sending photos, getting directions, reading the news — to the point where they view their PC as a convenient household device on a par with, say, the toaster oven.

It may be unfair, but I tend to categorize people into four groups where PC adoption is concerned: Ignorers, Rejecters, Accepters, and Embracers. Anyone reading this column falls into the last group.

Ignorers go about their daily lives pretending that computers don’t exist. They thought life was just fine before they heard the words “silicon” and “Internet,” and they don’t really see why anyone would ever want to have a computer in their home. Ignorers are not hermits or antisocial types; they might even own a microwave oven. They just don’t get what the big deal is about software and monitors and processing power, mostly because they aren’t interested in climbing the learning curve. About twenty years ago, Ignorers made up the largest group. Today, they’re the smallest.

Rejecters are people who have decided that PCs just aren’t for them. They’ve tried them out, maybe more than once, but the return was simply not worth the investment. As a result, they’ve relegated the PC into one of those locked rooms in their minds along with other things that are not worth their time such as differential calculus, field hockey, and Charlie Rose. A Rejecter is like your former girlfriend who is not only convinced you’re not right for her, but that you’ll never be right for anyone.

Accepters are like my parents. They get along fine with their computer, but if their hard drive ever crashes, they figure they’d get along fine without it. They’d go back to hand-written letters until the price of stamps goes up again, then they’d say something like, “Forty cents! Can you believe it costs forty damn cents to send a letter these days? What in Sam Hill is the government doing with all that money? I remember when it cost six cents to send a letter, and the postman came to your house twice a day!” Then, out of sheer indignation, they’d go to the nearest price club and buy a Compaq desktop with a 40 GB hard drive, a 15-inch flat panel monitor, and Microsoft Works for $499 after rebates.

Embracers are you and me. We not only understand how computers have changed our lives for the better, but we have embraced technology to the point where we spend far too much time tweaking and fiddling with the infernal contraptions. We love this stuff. Can’t get enough. When we’ve done everyting we can to optimize our systems, we find other ways to occupy our time. There’s a two-panel cartoon that shows a jealous wife confronting her husband as he comes home late. The first panel is labeled “1974″ and reads, “Don’t tell me you’ve been working late! You’re having an affair at the office, aren’t you!” The second panel shows the same situation, but it’s labeled “2004″ and it reads, “Don’t tell me you’ve been working late! You’re playing computer games at the office, aren’t you!” There’s a fair bit of truth to that.

It’s not impossible for a person to traverse levels, though it takes a considerable amount of hand-holding and prayer. But where my parents are concerned, I’m willing to do whatever it takes because they definitely need a copy of Word on this thing.

I’ll let you know how it goes.